Hi all! How are you?? This is just a little blurb about me, because I love to talk about ME. No I don't actually, but all the cool kids are doing it, so I've got to join in the fun you know?
I'm a 27 year old (soon to be 28) mom to one beautiful daughter, auntie to about 16 nieces and nephews, and sister to 3, sister-in-law to 5. I live in the grand ole area of New England, and have my whole life.
As a kid I struggled alot with self-esteem, body image, and anxiety. I was never overweight, always "this with a side of chubby". I was never skinny, was very short, and I had boobs and acne before all my friends. I didn't feel like I was pretty, and I got teased alot.
The struggle for self-acceptance grew into a full time job for me. I was angry because I was in my mind ugly. I thought, why did God make me this way? Why couldn't he have made me perfect?? In my senior year I decided I was too big (I was a size 7) and restricted my way down to a 1/2. I looked great. I never weighed myself back then, but I compared myself to the other girls in my class and based how I felt about myself on how they looked. This cycle continued into college, where I took out my anger and self-esteem issues in drinking and hooking up. I constantly binged, restricted, binged, restricted, mixed with smoking weed and alcohol, all while working two jobs and going to school full time.
I woke up one day pregnant. My daughter (the Peanut) turned my life around for two whole years until the cycle started over again and I used laxatives and diet pills and restricted until I was at my lowest weight ever. Hovering around 100 pounds I was sick. Sick and tired. Then I gained the weight back when I started working at my current job 5 years ago, and have had to adjust my lifestyle to fit my "needs" for myself. I've lost a lot of weight recently, and don't want to lose anymore so I'm not sick all the time like I was before.
Sadly this cycle continues today and every day I struggle with the balance between looking in the mirror hating what I see and accepting who I am. My goal for this blog is to help motivate myself to STOP hating myself and START loving myself. This is not who I want to be, and not how I want my daughter to be when she is older! My other goal is to also help other people who go through this struggle to see who they are is not a number on the scale. It's not skinny arms and legs or a flat stomach. It's in our hearts.. that's what matters the most. While I'm not a professional by ANY means- if you need support or just someone to talk to- please email me!
Well I hope no one fell asleep before we got to the GOOD STUFF! Random facts about me:
- I love kids shows. My fiance calls me an 8 year old in a woman's body because I get SO excited about watching the Disney Channel
- I love to dance! Any kind, doesn't matter, I've done it all!
- I love to read. It's so relaxing and I get hooked on authors and collect all their books.
- I have a really sick and twisted sense of humor and I often say the first thing that comes to mind even if it's offensive to certain people.
- However, I'm really empathetic. I HATE people who HATE for no reason. It's one thing to be offensive and sterotypical because you think its funny and everyone else around you thinks its funny. It's another if you are doing it to degrade another person.
- I'm sensitive.
- I'm kind hearted
- I love being a goof ball and laughing
- I love long walks on the beach
- Before you ask, I'm not single!
That's about all you are going to get from me peeps! Love you all!