And That's When I Snapped

Hey y'all.... how are you all! I'm doing ok.. I'm here at work.. desperately trying to find the time to write this..

Can you believe I was supposed to have the day off today? It's a national holiday in my book! But a couple of people at work had emergencies and the pressure went onto me to save the day. Naturally, I did. So here I am tired, slightly hung over, and pretty grumpy.

So let's start.. with yesterday.. I found out that I had to work today and I immediately got upset. Who gets called back from a day off to work?? Oh yea.. ME! So I did what any normal person would do when they get bad news..
I went to Borders and got an indulgent coffee drink. Complete with caffeine.

Let me tell you something. I felt like a smoker who has their first cigarette after not smoking for months.. (I only say that because I have been there too) I felt.. instantly better, then a little nervous and then guilty for liking the buzz that came with this. I'm glad I did it... it tasted great. You can't say that about smoking! ;)

The good news was I still was able to keep the plans I had made for dinner yesterday. I am sorry I didn't get any pictures of the dinner! I was with a co-worker (the same one who bought me a bottle of tequila and nominated me for an award..) and obviously work does not know about the blog- so I kept my camera in my bag (begrudgingly too- my dinner was great!) We went to Skipjacks and I had the Mahi-Mahi. The good news was, it was awesome. The bad news was it was $22! I could make at least 8 servings of my dinner for $22. The only other good news is, I didn't pay for dinner.

I did do two things though. Have too much to drink and then whipped out my camera to take pictures of the sunset. Obviously, my nervousness about my camera faded with the wine.. but I think the momentary embarrassment was worth it.

Wasn't it beautiful???
(with flash..)
(without flash..)
Which one do you like better? I have a "sunset" feature on my camera, I'm not sure which is prettier! They are both gorgeous!

Anyway- so the night moved onto the local dive bar, where two shots later, I was practically begging to go home. But I "hitched" a ride to my friends house (ladies.. don't drink and drive!) where she took us to a place near her house. I didn't snap any pictures there, I'm sure I looked like a hot mess, but we had fun. She is hysterical and she and her brothers kept me laughing all night long.

This morning was painful getting up. After all, it was supposed to be my day off.

But this little thing made me feel a lot better.


Thanks to all the new readers for commenting on my last post, I am trying to get caught up on blogs. Perhaps after work tonight while I'm recovering from last night still. Love you all!!!!!! Happy Thursday!!

Say It Ain't So!

It's Thursday people, and you know what that means!!!!!! Maybe you don't. I don't either, don't worry!
I'm still kid-free, my younger sister is taking the Peanut up to my older sister's house for a sleep-over birthday party. Some of us couldn't get the day off, so we aren't able to sleep-over on a Thursday night!!! Sorry twins! Happy 11th birthday to my little nieces! They are getting so big! I can't believe it.. I'm really feeling old at this point in my life!

Well, I had a doctors appointment today for a physical and before I went in, they told me I owe a ton of cashola for co-pays. Welcome to my world! Everyone seems to be chasing me for money this year- don't they know everyone is broke now?!
But I took a mental healthy survey and was kind of surprised at the results. It was about 10 questions and I answered "mostly every day" to every single one of them except for the one where it asked "do you feel like hurting yourself?". I wasn't lying. I'm tired, cranky, down, don't want to do anything anymore, and have a noticeably decreased appetite. So, my doctor sees me, doesn't see anything wrong with me, but they are still doing tests for anemia, and thyroid trouble. I am within a healthy weight for my height, so no worries there. Technically I guess I could be 100 pounds and still be considered healthy. My twisted mind wondered what I would look like at 100 pounds and then I mentally slapped myself out of it!
But the enormous red flag that was waved, the mental health survey- was ignored. I left feeling a little weird. Should I have brought it up? Should I have said, "listen I cry myself to sleep five nights a week- is that normal!?" Maybe it's because even in my most depressed state I can still crack a joke. I'm a naturally funny, fun-loving person. So in order to make others feel good, I make them laugh. But mine is a hollow laugh, no substance behind it sometimes. I do LOVE being happy and I want to be REAL HAPPY all the time; not fake happy half the time.
Any thoughts??

But the only other thing we did determine was that I should be using an inhaler when I work out. My asthma is back due to allergies. Dang POLLEN!!!!! So I got that (it cost arm and a leg people, so I might not be working out until those grow back!) and came back to work for the afternoon.

Well moving onto food. I bought cherries the other day because for some reason I love them. These are huge. Hmmmmm... insert gross joke about big cherries..


I'm eating some of them right now actually.... yummy!
Last night I decided to do more fajitas. I went on an epic hour long bike ride. My ass was sore, my legs were sore, my you know what hurt, and I was upset that none of this was because of my man. I think I'm gonna name my bike after my fiance. At least it will sound like I'm having some fun! But still, the bike ride felt GREAT. Anyway, I made fajitas again. Why?? Because it was stupidly easy and I was tired.

Tonight there is not much on the menu for myself! What are you people doing??? Hopefully it's more exciting than what I am doing.. repeat of the other night!

Open The Skies

I had a beautiful post. Talking about how well I was doing the last couple of days, despite it being C's birthday today (Happy Birthday sweetness!) and I was upset about being apart then. I was doing ok, a little tired. A little worn down. But I hadn't thought about tearing myself down.

All your comments made me smile by the way. I love you guys.

I was complaining today to C about being away from each other on his birthday. Trying to work out at the same time (he always knows when I'm working out and calls me then. I'm not sure how he does it). Then I changed really quick and grabbed the Peanut to go to the store and buy some food, I was hungry.

My mom stopped me before I left and said, "just so you know in case you notice your dad looks a little down today.. he lost his job".

I think I had a hot flash, followed by a cold freeze all over myself. My mom breezed out the door at that point, running late for a rehearsal and there I was standing in the kitchen to think about all this.

My poor father..

I cried, still took Peanut to the store, and spent 20 minutes staring at shampoo bottles in Target. I bought some shampoo for my mop (definitely needed). Then headed to Hannafords where I stared at the food for another 25 minutes. Not really putting anything in my basket- instead I picked stuff up for Peanut.

We left the store and I'm blinking back tears, crying for my dad. My other half. My own self. I wasn't strong enough to stand on my own two feet suddenly. I felt weak and tired and helpless. My body was screaming for relief and I yelled out in my head, "what's next God???"
I got in the car and we started to head home, Peanut still chattering away behind me.

I looked up suddenly startled by the sky.

I see those shoulders bend all weighted by the thought
One more day to carry on, now, carry on
Trouble she cannot shake
Dreams she would like to take her away, yeah, away

I'll be waiting for the sun to rise
So I can start again by and by
I'll be looking o'er my head to the sky
See the clouds open wide, reveal my faith


I totally lost it at that moment. The Peanut and I got out of the car laughing. I had tears coming down my face while I was taking pictures. I haven't seen such a thing since I was a kid.

How amazing God can be, sometimes I don't know what to think. To tell you right there, it's going to be ok.

I don't know what my dad will do for now, but he has a lot of people rooting for him. I don't know how C will get by for now, but he prays everyday for the strength to make it through another day. And me?

I think I'll be ok.

"... He will lead them to the springs of life-giving water; And God will wipe away all their tears." Rev. 7:17

It's Far From Over

I just started and restarted this post about a million times. I can't think of words to say that will rightfully express what I'm feeling right now. I don't think there are any words to describe it. It's a mixture of relief, sadness, happiness, compassion, joy, and finally, a little peace.

Everyday it's a different struggle for me.

Everyday it's a different reason to feel down. To be angry with myself over something stupid.

But everyday I want to smack myself and say, "what the hell is the matter with you???"

Then I remember that there IS something the matter with me. And I can't fix it by myself. It can't be fixed with a pasta dinner. Or a pedicure. Or a book. Or repeating little mantras to myself. This is a deep seeded belief that I don't deserve what I have. That I don't deserve to be happy. Or thin. Or beautiful. Because what I see in the mirror is a reflection of what I think is inside. And that view is a distorted, freakish thing.

I remember meeting Charlie's ex for the first time two years ago, she is tall, thin, hair is gorgeous, skin is perfect. Her make-up was perfectly applied and her clothes trendy, new, and expensive. I literally almost passed out. Here I was, in sweat pants and a tshirt. I had showered but a ponytail held my hair back and I had minimal make-up on. I'll be honest, I was going to visit Charlie after he got arrested- so who the hell was I trying to impress? And WHO was she trying to impress?

She said, "who the fuck does she think she is? Look at her! I'm beautiful and she's fuckin' ugly. Why the fuck do you want her?"

I said nothing in reply, my face must have turned purple in shame. I thought Charlie was going to slap her though. From then on in, I was the ugly white bitch to her. And to me, I never forget words. Words are things you can never take back, even when said in a moment of anger. Charlie defended me, and has everytime she brings that day up to him- he thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks even though she's pretty to everyone else, she is ugly on the inside and I'm perfect. He is proud of me, because I'm everything she isn't. I work, I pay my bills, I'm a good mom, I have a perfect body (his words obviously), and best of all, I treat him like gold. He calls the 6 years he was living with her a prison sentence. But I remember that moment bringing back in the fear that I am not good enough. Why would he want me instead of her? I try to remember who she really is. And it works for the moment. I still get angry when I hear that he talked to her, mainly because, even after all this time, she still thinks I stole her man. Um hello wacko! NO! I'd just like to point out that C and this crazy biz-natch were broken up for 3 years when I met him!

Where am I going with all this stuff anyway? Oh yea. I really believe that one of the issues I have is not about my body. It's the reflection of how I feel about the inside of myself- coming out. It's that I'm not "enough". Enough what? Smart enough, friendly enough, good enough, popular enough, pretty enough. And when I feel not enough I turn to the only thing that makes sense to me. Beat up the vessel that carries all these human emotions, tendencies, and weaknesses around. Which is what I find alot of us do. Agree? The hardest thing to do is to believe how strong and beautiful we really are.
Wow, I can't believe I wrote that much.. I didn't mean to get so deep for a day after hump-day. I'll be working on self-reflection and learning to recognize what I am feeling and if I'm feeling that way because of some other emotion. Like am I saying I'm fat because I'm feeling sad about my friends not calling me... ever? Good plan no? Cognitive behavior therapy right here kids!!!!!!!! Change the way you think!

So I promised you food didn't I? I did.. Dinner.. and more dinner. Along with Shaun T, the sexy guy from Hip Hop Abs for dessert.


Here we have Van's gluten-free waffles with Almond Butter and Raspberry jelly. I stole three apple slices from the Peanut's plate.. haha. A smaller dinner because I had a huge lunch and a huge dinner on Tuesday night. I did end up making the rice and sausage mix. I used Al Fresco chicken sausage... holy deliciousness in a sausge and no I'm not talkin' about a man!!!!!


(my sense of humor is obviously still intact...)
Here is Shaun T up on my big screen TV. Look he's trying to give you a hug!!!!!!
I really think he's a little on the gay side, but he can be gay all he wants, as long as he's straight for me!!!!!!!!

Big plans this weekend. It's going to be sunny sunny and sunny. Tan. Tan. Tan. I need a tan! I will be bike riding. I will be running around like a mad-dog. And hopefully, heading out someplace with the Peanut. My goal is to go to Five Guys & A Burger with her, but I'm not sure that will end up happening.. maybe just for some frozen yogurt or something small like that. Let's not push it with burgers and fries!
If you are still reading after all this blabber, thank you, for your heartfelt words of support. They mean more to me than you will ever ever know. We are all in this together right?? *cue High School Musical soundtrack*. You guys rock my socks. :)

On To The Next One

Wow... I don't even know what to say guys. First of all, thank you for all your sweet comments. I don't know what I would do without the support of blog world- seriously. I haven't had the chance to email everyone who commented or wrote.. but I promise I will.
I wish I could say that I have come back refreshed, joyous, and full of promise.
I wish I could say that I ate like a star all week, and didn't stare blankly into the pantry or fridge, only to walk away empty handed. My appetite and grief go hand in hand.
I wish I could say that my "real" friends were as supportive of this whole thing as my "bloggie" friends. I have been stubborn lately, and saying, "someone will call me. someone will reach out." and nothing. Does anyone want my phone number?!
I wish I could say I didn't cry every night.
I wish I could say anything brilliant, worthwhile, refreshing, profound. So many words just jumble up in my head and to make them come out on paper? Man that is a task.
I came across my journal I kept two years ago at around this time and I was *shocked* to see that my thought process about myself was quite honestly the same.
I wish I could say that I think in the last couple of years I have grown mentally and emotionally. Although I have CLEAR goals in my head- I think they are lost a little at this time.
I quit dance class.
My teacher was the creepo who tried to *molest* me a while back and as much as I wanted to keep dancing there and as much as I LOVE it, my gas tank, wallet, and mental health will thank me.

Instead I bought these two DVD's. Anasma Liquid Fusion Hip Hop/Belly Dancing. Um sexy much?! I'm really looking forward to getting them and they were really cheap. I will do them twice and they will pay for themselves compared to dance(my dance class was $10 per class).

Even though this post finds me still struggling, I do have faith that it will get easier and THIS TIME will not be forever. The future is way better than the misery of the present and as long as I'm still able to get up out of bed- I consider the day a success. Obviously, I need to work on my expectations ; )

That brings me to some of my eats. Like I said, lately this has been a hard area for me- BUT I'm a work in progress.

This was yummy.. I really liked it, even though I thought I wouldn't. I love eggs, so I thought this would end up being a poor substitute for scrambled eggs, but it was delightful, savory dish. The hash browns even had a "crunch" to them despite being nuked..
These weren't too bad. I bought a weeks worth of Attune bars because I wanted to see if my stomach would be able to handle it and react well. So far so good. I love chocolate so this was a good way to have some "functional chocolate".


Another snack I felt I needed to try. Please guys, don't go shopping with my daughter! Everything I picked up she made me throw in the cart. So when I pondered over these in the yogurt section of Hannafords and explained how they worked to her, she said, "oh just get them mom, seriously!!!". Yea, 7 going on 17 right here guys!
And then one more I got, you know, just for good measure..
Freeze-dried pineapple. It wasn't too bad, but I forgot that pineapple is one of those fruits that if it ain't cooked my mouth don't like it. So I ended up drinking about 5 glasses of water after eating these babies.


I did bake though. What? Me? Cook something? Yes, I know you are all shocked!! Another purchase the Peanut said I "needed to get" at Hannafords. She kills me!
Sorry it is such a crappy picture of the finshed product, but this was really good!!! I managed to spread out eating this through-out a few days, but it was hard to not eat it all in one sitting.
I added honey to the batter and used rice milk in place of water to make it "richer". YUM! Loved it! (P.S. Peanut painted my nails for me.. I think she wants to be my boss, always pushing me around, telling me what to do.. lol)


I should be cooking tonight. I have some chicken sausage in my fridge that needs to get used up. Plus some rice mix (you know I love my Goya rice...). I hope this post finds everyone who reads and comments blessed. Seriously because I feel blessed to be able to be a part of this community. You guys are awesome and really do make it all worthwhile.
*MAJOR HUGS*

And Yet Here We Are

Hi guys.. how are you all? I'm doing ok I think.

I'll be taking the next few days off of blogging. My head isn't really with it right now and I don't think I can put my full heart into it. I'm still reading all your posts and laughing and crying right along with you. But I don't have anything inspirational to say. And I've definitely done more crying than anything else.

Tomorrow is my anniversary and I am having such a hard time being separated from C it's ridiculous. There are some days where it just, sucks, you know? So in order not to be a debbie downer or a negative nancy, I'm going to step back and refocus and hopefully by the end of the week I'll be ok about it.

I miss my Charlie.



I'll be around via email for sure, you wanna pop me a line I'm all ears (or eyes rather)
**edited because i'm sorry these pics are so freakin small. sheesh.. i'll have to fix that!**

What Day Is It Anyway?

well, I'm sick as anything. I'll be back over the weekend to try and make up for my absence this week. But between my cold and migraines, I'm pretty wiped out.

Hope everyone is doing well and I'll catch up on everyone SOON!!!!

In the meantime here is what is going on in my hometown this week:

Mansfield, MA cuts afterschool activities..
As you know I am long winded and very passionate about alot of things.. so I won't share my opinion here- what do you all think?

She's Alive!!!

Hey all! I'm indeed alive! Yes I am! Thank you so much for all your well wishes.. it was a rough couple of days because of my head, but I think I'm ok now.
I got some of these from the doctor- it's the ONLY thing that works on my head! Seriously, drug me up Scottie!


Sadly my appetite took a nose dive and I literally have been snacking my way through the whole weekend. It's not a great thing because I know I need to eat up to get better! I tried to eat a normal sized meal last night and ended up with tea in bed at 8pm because my stomach hurt so bad. I've had some good snacks though!



The Funky Monkey dried bananas are the only way I can eat bananas. The other day I mentioned that I can't eat alot of fresh fruit- here is the low-down on that. I have Oral Allergy Syndrome. You may think this is a get out of jail free card for "other things" (GASP!!!!! Did she say THAT?!) But really -it's more annoying than anything. Strawberries, grapes (red and green), blueberries, pears, pineapple, bananas, and raspberries, and apples with the skin still on all make my mouth burn and my lips tingle! Click on the link for the Wikepedia definition of OAS.. I try to avoid eating those foods if they are raw- cooked (or dried) is ok for me. It really sucks around holidays (pies.....) and in the summer, who doesn't love freshly sliced pineapple on a hot day? Or at any other time... ummmmm strawberries dipped in chocolate and whipped cream anyone?? I stick with the fruit that causes me NO issues! Cantaloupe. Watermelon. And clementines. Yeppppppp. That's it! Needless to say, this causes a lot of drama while food shopping!

Alright moving right along to the fun stuff! Two things from the weekend- I saw a baby and the Peanut kicked ass in a Pinewood Derby!
Remember when I went out with my friends and was going to tell them about my miscarriage and instead my friend announecd that she was pregnant??? (new readers, this was on my old blog) Well, here is that baby. Look at that face!



The Peanut is going to make a great big sister one of these days!
Moving along again!
Every year the Peanut's youth group at church does a Pinewood Derby. To you non- moms with sons in Boy Scouts (i.e. all my readers...) it's a car race! Here they carve out cars out of wooden blocks (a church member makes ALL of them after the kids design them on paper) and the kids paint them up and then race them down this fancy track.


The Peanut won ALL three of her heats her car was in, but it was not enough to place in the top three- her car was not fast enough! Sheesh! Darn rules! I would have let her win!

Here is her car- the green bunny!

Well that's all for right now I think! Tonight is dance class.. I'm signing up for a workshop in April- to learn more salsa.... whoooo! I'm getting back to work in this dreary awful rain. Seriously Mother Nature... send some sunshine to NE, it's been raining for days!

Mad Scientist

It's Wednesday. I am sick. And I am here at work, head pounding, every blink, head movement, arm movement, hurts like hell. My sinus infection is back with a vengeance. I'm convinced, I might be dying. Well, maybe not, but it's been going through my mind.

I don't have much for you because my appetite has gone to pot the last couple of days. A lot of tea and Advil have been consumed.

But I'll leave you with my mad scientist's massive spring science project. She is trying to figure out if "double-dipping" is really all that bad. So far it's not seeming like it!

I told her, if she didn't prove anything, at least she would have the best pictures : )




I'll try and come up with something another day.. maybe tomorrow I will feel motivated enough to make something. Welcome to all the new readers and followers. If you aren't reading and following, there might be something wrong with you too... lol just kidding. Enjoy the day- its sunny and warm in NE, I love it! Now if only I could get my butt up to get outside...

Haven't A Clue!

I have to say, you guys are all amazing- thank you so much for your comments on my last post. It was so hard to put something like that up because I like to keep everything pretty happy and non scary. However, in reading how honest everyone else is about how much they struggle, I decided to put that up there. Because I was tired of feeling like a fraud.
But we are getting back to the good things today! It's Saturday night, I should be partying like a rock star, and I am here waiting for 48 Hour Mystery to come on, so I can fall asleep : )
Last night I babysat my nieces and nephew. They were sooooooo funny! I have a video for you, but it's not working for me uploading.. so you'll have to wait to see it until tomorrow!

So what do we have for food now? Well I found these at Hannafords (um, do I live there or what?) I figured they might be a good buy and BOY was I right! They were delish. They tasted like tomato soup in a cracker form. My only beef was that they were a little on the dry side, these are definitely a "light airy" cracker not a cracker with substance. I topped mine with Herbs and Chives Tofutti "cream cheese". Sooooooooo good! They are gluten and dairy free, so you know I'm lovin' these!



What's next? I don't really have a clear plan as to how I'm going to attack my food neurosis and bad habits. I have many. Too many to list but I suppose if I am going to get over the bad habits, I'm going to have to start dealing with them. I promise you one thing, even if I were in a coma I would still be laughing, so my sense of humor will remain very much intact!
Speaking of laughing, I spoke with C a little bit about this today and he told me, "babe if your butt got bigger it would just make me want to bite it more."

Sweet. Isn't he? When he was home, it was alot easier to see the good parts of myself. But I love to hear him say things like that! It makes me laugh.

Oh wait! There's one more thing! I did receive an award from the super fabulous Rebeca at All Vegged Out! As you all must know by now, I am Puerto Rican by choice ; ) Rebeca is my Latina sista!

So here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate seven “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

And here I go!

1. I'm originally from Maryland!
2. I love designer clothes and stock up on good deals whenever I can!
3. I was a chemistry major in college.
4. I have a rough draft of a book in my desk, waiting to be read and edited!
5. I love to drive and will go anywhere at anytime!
6. My favorite hair color on myself is blonde.
7. I have multiple piercings and no tatoos!

Haha, good luck figuring THOSE OUT!!!!! Whoooooooooo...
(note to self, I think it's past my bedtime, I just said "whoooooo")

I have to tag 7 people...
Katie!
Kate!
Gabriela!
Jenny!
Anais!
Christina!
Sophia!
Happy Lying!!!! Have a good night everyone!

Bravery

Happy Thursday peoples, it's almost the weekend you know? I can't wait for tomorrow I can go to bed early, sleep late.. it will be glorious!

So last night I wrote up a whole post kind of dedicated to National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. I've been reading some great posts this week in reference to shining the light on eating disorders and how much life an ED sucks out of you as a person. I admit, once I wrote I thought to myself, "no one's going to read this". You guys want escapism, happy stuff.

I read a lot of blogs sometimes and I remember reading one in particular (I won't link back to it, because I'm sure I'd never be able to find it again) where the poster reached her goal weight and didn't know why she still hated herself. Why wasn't she beautiful yet? Why didn't she feel happy? It's because ED takes all that away from you. It takes away the ability to look in the mirror and like what you see because no matter how many pounds you lose, it's never enough. No matter how many hours you workout, it's never enough.

I was never officially diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder, but I know for a fact that how I viewed (and still think sometimes) myself was not normal. Fat and disgusting was my normal mantra and stopped me from enjoying pretty much anything in my life for a while. I restricted and binged, in a continuous cycle. If a guy rejected me it was because I was not tiny. If I got in trouble at work, it was because I was ugly and not cute like the other girls. I didn't eat cream cheese, ice cream, burgers, fries, good God there were so many foods I just wouldn't touch because they were "bad" foods.

I'll be first one to admit, I still struggle with this. The hardest thing to do with any kind of disordered eating pattern is to break the thought process that makes you think you aren't worth anything because you don't weigh 95 pounds.

I often don't post up what I eat because it's boring and the same thing over and over again.

I often don't talk about my workouts because I work too hard in the time I allow myself to work out. Or I don't do it all and feel like a slacker.

I don't talk about what I am wearing because I don't have a clue what to wear when my skinny jeans don't make me feel skinny.

There are a lot of feelings here I won't mention because I'm too scared.

Remember my mental health challenge from the beginning of the year? I fight that everyday!
Remember when I posted up old pictures of myself? I still want to look like that!


Well people, it's time for me to get back to work, but I definitely did not want to leave you without some pictures. Here is the kitty whom you all love.....

(this is her "chair" for watching out the window)

She is available for adoption. Requirements for her new family

1. must be early risers- she eats at 5:30 am on the nose
2. must have three hands- two to continue with normal human tasks, one to pet her
3. must have a soft lap so she can sit in it
4. must also have alligator skin so when she gets mad she can scratch you without hurting you
5. must have catnip toys
6. must have earplugs- she is very noisy...

Anyone? Want her? Doesn't she look like she is CRYING out for a new family?!?!?!


Over the weekend I'm on a mission to get KTBWood's package sent out.... I didn't forget about you girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have tried some new foods and wanted to give you guys a full review on them. Other than that I'm not sure what is up for the weekend, no skating this weekend bummer!!!
Have a great Thirsty Thursday!!!!

Breakfast of Champions

It's Day 3 of the New Year and I'm already having a lot of trouble with saying 2010. Or writing 2010. It feels like a weird pattern on my keyboard, or more like a password, than the year.
Well over the last week I saw a lot of good posts about reflecting on the previous year, and how much the person has grown or experienced. I won't go back and point any out, I read them all ; )
So why do you ask, do I not have any resolutions up? Or self-reflections up? I'm not sure why myself. I was never good at keeping resolutions I made even during the regular part of the year, nevermind at the beginning of a New Year. Workout more? SURE, I can. Let me just scrape myself out of my home office chair and change out of my PJs. Eat Better? YEP. Got that after I polish off a huge bowl of sugary cereal.
Most of my goals have been lost this year in the shuffle of C leaving, and the stress of moving back home again. All the good stuff from the first half of the year seems like it was a very very long time ago.
And I'm realizing now, that mentally I'm not in a good place. I'm angry where I probably shouldn't be. I'm sad when there is nothing to be crying about. Take charge of your emotions you say! YES I CAN! I say back. And two days later I'm back where I started.

So my only New Years resolution at this point, is to take charge of my mental health, because it is expanding into other areas of my life. A sinus infection I have had since November. Aches and pains that just do not go away with Motrin or rest. Even sleeping is painful. Having little or no appetite. Losing my temper. Crying for no reason. I know on the blog I don't come across as an angry crybaby... do I?? Anons... please... be nice.
Therefore, Houston, we have a problem.

The good news is, this has not affected my twisted sense of humor.

Meanwhile all this mental turmoil is going on- I did get a gift a while back, that I've been meaning to blog about. I won a contest on PB & Jenny. Sheesh, I'm like a freakin' stalker Jenny! It was a big box of Kay's Natural cookie bites! They came directly to mi casa from Kay's... Yippeee! I got a box filled with sample sized packages of cinnamon cookie bites and honey cookie bites.
Let me tell you, from someone who is a fan of cereal. (Huge fan.. its sick.) These were like small bags of Cinnamon Puffins; for those who are fans of that cereal.. rejoice! Here they are in single size bags! Ha!
So how did I eat this delectable little snack- in yogurt! Some nice dairy free, agave sweetened Turtle Mountain vanilla soy yogurt. This little breakfast held me over for almost 3 hours and let me tell you- NOT EVEN oatmeal does that. Yep, in the mornings my metabolism is like a rocket ship. Very strange!
So I dub this little combo- the breakfast of champions! Thank you Jenny!

Please Not The Nutz

Hi dear people! Happy Monday to everyone.. how was your weekend? It was going great for me for a while. I wanted to give you a more thorough review of the granola bars I tried last week, I finished the box last night so I figured- I should share how they were. Ha ha.
Well I happened upon them in the health nut section of my grocery store. Usually I don't even bother looking at those kind of granola bars because most contain dairy and gluten and I don't want to waste my time reading labels when I won't end up with them. These did NOT have either gluten or dairy ingredients. And they were made with almond butter. And oats. Two of my favorite things in the whole wide world- seriously. So I picked them up, thinking they would taste awful and I'd be disappointed.
Boy was I ever wrong! You know those crunchy granola bars in the green box??? They tasted like a version of those- crunchy and nutty. OOOOOOO, I liked! There was a sweet taste to them that I thought was a little odd, but I got used to- I think it's the rice flour. I can always seem to pick that one out of a line up!


But check out these nutritional facts:
Calories: 180 (ok a little "high" for a snack.. but good anyway!)
Fat: 8g (GOOD FAT from the nut butters)
Fiber: 5g (this speaks for itself..)
Sugar: 10g (so does this.. VERY good for a granola bar!)
Protein: 3g (this is a little low.. doesnt peanut butter have lots o protein?!)
Overall, this was a nice little snack! It held me over for a couple of hours in the afternoon hours when I didn't get home from work until about 7ish and couldn't eat a real meal until then.
Go, seek, find, and buy these little doobies! Or you can get the dark chocolate version in my giveaway (which btw ends on Thursday the 29th..6 PM EST)

So like I said, these are great. Unless you are a little baby....
I have a dark confession to make.... I think I almost killed my nephew. And ME of ALL PEOPLE should know better!
I found the new Holiday Cliff bars in the grocery store and bought my SIL two of them; and two for myself. On Saturday morning I ate the Pumpkin Spice Pie for breakfast.
Check out the ingredients:
Ingredients: Organic Brown Rice Syrup, ClifProTM (Soy Rice Crisps [Soy Protein Isolate, Rice Flour, Barley Malt Extract], Organic Roasted Soybeans, Organic Soy Flour), Soy White Chocolate (Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Cocoa Butter, Soy Flour, Soy Lecithin, Natural Flavors), Organic Rolled Oats, Organic Toasted Oats (Organic Oats, Organic Evaporated Cane Juice), Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Dried Pumpkin, ClifCrunchTM (Apple Fiber, Organic Oat Fiber, Organic Milled Flaxseed, Inulin [Chicory Extract], Psyllium), Organic Dried Apples, Organic Raisins, Organic Date Paste, Organic Soy Butter, Organic Dry Roasted Almonds, Natural Flavors, Organic Sunflower Oil, Sea Salt, Colored with Annatto.
Can anyone tell me what on this list I should not be eating and then smooching babies?
Yea thats right, my little guy had an allergic reaction to the Almonds in the Cliff bar. We only know that because after he woke up from a nap his face and neck was covered in hives and one eye was swollen shut. We panic, take baby to the clinic where they say use cold compresses and wash his face with mild soap.
Later on, my SIL eats her Cliff bar and covered him again in kisses and hugs. This time his reaction was MUCH MUCH worse. He spent the night in the ER, my SIL was in tears half the night and we racked our brains all day today trying to figure out what it was. I can't believe how stupid I am. We had NO idea! He's never been exposed to nuts before because my SIL doesn't eat a lot of peanut butter, even when she does it's at work and shes home and has brushed her teeth or had water in between. But it might not be peanut butter and could just be almonds. We don't know! And I cried half the afternoon today- because i should KNOW BETTER! I have allergies! Babies can't be around nuts till they are older!
So my little man is down for the count. I love him so much, like he were my own baby.. he's so precious... Who can resist this face?

For now, it will be no nuts in my house or her house till he goes and gets tested. My SIL says not to worry and I suppose that its good we know NOW instead of feeding it to him when hes older and him going into shock. Still, I feel like an ass and now, I am morally responsible for that baby. He will not get a SCRAPE around me!

My little Melo Yellow.. I love you!!!!! (he had rice cereal on his face in that pic. haha!)

Here is another picture I snapped of him:


And then of course the girls.. I love them too! We have Elisa, Olivia, and Lissette. From oldest to youngest, biggest to smallest. Adorable!