Thursday, July 1, 2010

Say It Ain't So!

It's Thursday people, and you know what that means!!!!!! Maybe you don't. I don't either, don't worry!
I'm still kid-free, my younger sister is taking the Peanut up to my older sister's house for a sleep-over birthday party. Some of us couldn't get the day off, so we aren't able to sleep-over on a Thursday night!!! Sorry twins! Happy 11th birthday to my little nieces! They are getting so big! I can't believe it.. I'm really feeling old at this point in my life!

Well, I had a doctors appointment today for a physical and before I went in, they told me I owe a ton of cashola for co-pays. Welcome to my world! Everyone seems to be chasing me for money this year- don't they know everyone is broke now?!
But I took a mental healthy survey and was kind of surprised at the results. It was about 10 questions and I answered "mostly every day" to every single one of them except for the one where it asked "do you feel like hurting yourself?". I wasn't lying. I'm tired, cranky, down, don't want to do anything anymore, and have a noticeably decreased appetite. So, my doctor sees me, doesn't see anything wrong with me, but they are still doing tests for anemia, and thyroid trouble. I am within a healthy weight for my height, so no worries there. Technically I guess I could be 100 pounds and still be considered healthy. My twisted mind wondered what I would look like at 100 pounds and then I mentally slapped myself out of it!
But the enormous red flag that was waved, the mental health survey- was ignored. I left feeling a little weird. Should I have brought it up? Should I have said, "listen I cry myself to sleep five nights a week- is that normal!?" Maybe it's because even in my most depressed state I can still crack a joke. I'm a naturally funny, fun-loving person. So in order to make others feel good, I make them laugh. But mine is a hollow laugh, no substance behind it sometimes. I do LOVE being happy and I want to be REAL HAPPY all the time; not fake happy half the time.
Any thoughts??

But the only other thing we did determine was that I should be using an inhaler when I work out. My asthma is back due to allergies. Dang POLLEN!!!!! So I got that (it cost arm and a leg people, so I might not be working out until those grow back!) and came back to work for the afternoon.

Well moving onto food. I bought cherries the other day because for some reason I love them. These are huge. Hmmmmm... insert gross joke about big cherries..


I'm eating some of them right now actually.... yummy!
Last night I decided to do more fajitas. I went on an epic hour long bike ride. My ass was sore, my legs were sore, my you know what hurt, and I was upset that none of this was because of my man. I think I'm gonna name my bike after my fiance. At least it will sound like I'm having some fun! But still, the bike ride felt GREAT. Anyway, I made fajitas again. Why?? Because it was stupidly easy and I was tired.

Tonight there is not much on the menu for myself! What are you people doing??? Hopefully it's more exciting than what I am doing.. repeat of the other night!

10 comments:

  1. Thanks for stopping by! I hate allergies, mine were soooo bad in spring, but are OK now. Yummy fajitas!

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  2. My co-pay for my endocronoligist went up to $50 bucks this year - crazy!

    Sending virtual hugs to you Amy! While its fun to be kid free I know you must miss peanut.

    I have no idea what I am doing for dinner tonight - eek!

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  3. hey darlin, sorry to hear you arent feeling so great lately. it must be additionally frustrating that your mental health test was ignored. i know how hard it can be to admit that you might need help or to even use the word "depressed," so i am sure it was kind of a letdown that no one extended that olive branch/helping hand. maybe depressed is the wrong word but if you are crying yourself to sleep almost every night, you should try to take small steps to make yourself feel better. sometimes time is the answer but you also need to be good to yourself today, and the next day!

    idk what i am doing for dinner tonight...i just did indian takeout TWICE in a row. so much food. bad kate. but it was SO good :)

    xox

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  4. Interesting, I had a surprisingly similar thing happen to me. I've been dealing with what I THINK might be depression, not sure because I haven't talked with the Dr. about it, I did the same thing, answered megatively about everything except for the suicide thing but it was ignored. I was even thinking that I should bring it up but I didn't really know how. It's not like I can't get out of bed or anything but somethings NOT right. I crack jokes at the dr. all the time too, so it's interesting how your case parallels mine a bit.

    Plus - we had fajitas last night. I make them all the time for the same reason, they are stupidly easy. :-)

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  5. I'd say definitely talk to your doctor more about the fact that you're feeling depressed. I'd like to see you truly happy all the time too.

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  6. @ Debbie.. that was my thing too.. its been like this for a while, so im not sure if i should just suck it up? or not worry about it?? im hoping my blood work comes back with something, i can blame it on that! lol

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  7. I am not a doctor but it sounds like you might be suffering from depression and it isn't right that your doctor just dismissed those symptoms. They are worth paying attention to. I have depression, and I know how incredibly awful it feels...and some of the words you said...I feel like I've said the exact same thing at one point or another. Like the part about the hollow laugh.
    I obviously don't know the whole story and can't "diagnose" you with anything, but if you really feel that there is more to the story and the doctor is ignoring it, maybe you could seek help elsewhere? There are other doctors that will pay attention to this type of thing and take it seriously, and help you find relief. Whatever the issue is, I really hope you are able to resolve it. Wish there was a way I could help.

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  8. Girl I love ya!!!!!

    I went to Forever 21 and shopped my heart out yesterday and to Vic Secret PINK store, love that damn place! I could live in their cute sweats everyday, and I do!

    Oh that would be awesome for you to come for a visit!!!

    We are hoping to rent a 3 bedroom townhouse, we dont plan on buying a house until next fall, everything happening so fast, its just not what we want to be rushed into buying a house, we want to really take time, but yes Im sure we will have a spare room!!! WOuld be fun! I have to let you know how it goes next week, we are heading off to go to Indiana next week! xoxo

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  9. Co-pays are the worst...I can understand where you are coming from. At one point, during my pregnancy, I was in and out of the hospital and doctors offices so much that I lost count of how much I spent. That was when I realized insurance is basically useless.

    Anyway, I am not surprised they gave you a mental health survey and they proceeded to ignore it...that is quite common. You fill out a bunch of paperwork for no reason at all! If you think that it is something that needs to be addressed I definitely think you should make another appointment.

    I hope you and Peanut have a fantastic long weekend!

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  10. This is ridiculous. So you do the survey and no one pays attention even though you clearly need help. And I hate the whole "healthy weight" so no problem thing--I don't know how many times I've felt like crap and I knew why but because my weight was fine no one was going to raise any concerns. And even when my weight wasn't healthy doctors rarely said anything either. Please take care of yourself. I also know how you feel about being broke. I'm so underwater financially right now it's not even funny.

    I know I haven't been around much but know that I am thinking about you.

    xoxo

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