Bridal Shower

**I tried to post this yesterday.. Blogger was messed up- ARGH**

Noooo.. not mine.. I am forgoing the chaos and craziness that is a bridal shower for myself- I am traditional of course in wanting to get married- but shoot I'll be darned if I have people fuss over me and worry about what color I want balloons to be or whether I would like cheesecake or angel food cake.. (angel food cake... LOL) I can't stand being the center of attention; anyone else get really anxious when people fawn all over them??

Anyway, my friend Hannah is getting married and I couldn't be happier for her! Look at how beautiful she is!

Her shower was on Saturday afternoon. And yes, I know what a slacker I am for not posting about this sooner- sheer laziness! The shower was nothing short of amazing. My friend Jillian is a corporate party planner and has two Masters degrees; one in Hotel & Resturant Management and one in Sports Management. Plus she has an Event Planning certificate. Basically, she knows what the hell she is doing. Here is her work. Sit back and be amazed dears.. lots o' pictures!





Simply put, it was fabulous! I loved everything about it.. the food was good, the cake and cupcakes were sooooo good! Everyone had a good time.

I even won a prize! A Vera Bradley wallet to put in my already overflowing bag. I won the wallet in a "how much stuff do you have in your bag" contest. Obviously, I have a lot of stuff.. yes including the flip flops!!

So here is a picture of me.. please note, I am STILL white as a ghost and I really really need to cut my hair! But I am noticing that my arms are getting really muscular. Here in lies the problem with me. My ED is telling me that my arms are HUGE. Too big for me.. when I'm not sure that they really are.. I don't know.. but when I saw the picture I was flipping out inside.. and I shouldn't be.. Strong strong strong.. I need to repeat that over and over again!




Questions:
1. what's in your purse??
2. do you have any trouble when you go to parties NOT eating everything in sight?

Skip The Gym & Eat Your Fishies

Hi all.. how's everyone doing so far this weekend? Not much going on here.. thanks for all the birthday wishes! I was trying to keep the fact that it was my birthday a little hush hush.. but shoot you guys figured me out! LOL! I "know" too many people in real life I guess!

Well, what's going on in your next of the woods?? Mine is pretty clear :)

So I told you the other day that I got a $50 gift card to Amazon.com right? Well, one of the things I bought was an Exhale: Core Fusion Arms and Abs DVD. Strong is the new Skinny right?? Holy moley- I couldn't believe how hard this one was! I loved it! It came with a bright green resistance band to do some of the exercises. If you already have one, you can use yours.


The DVD is set up with 5 ten minute sections each one harder than the last. I was planning on only doing the first 20 minutes and instead I kept going! I'm pretty sure that my abs have never had a workout like this before.. and my arms have been aching ever since I finished the moves.. Holey Moley!

Strong is the new Skinny people.. seriously! I can already tell that if I can keep working on this DVD, I will for sure be getting alot stronger- without even using heavy weights or doing crazy gym workouts. All I used was that dang resistance band and a mat!

So what was on my menu this weekend? Fish. Fish fish fish. Can you tell that I love fish? I suppose I should start calling myself a pescatarian (a veggie lover who eats fish too) but I hate labels, so I'll just call myself a fish lover!

Fish Night #1

Salmon.. bought from Target in a bag... topped with olive oil, garlic powder, a pinch of salt & pepper and cracked red pepper. Yummy! Served with sweet potato fries!
Fish Night #2

More salmon, from the same bag of frozen fish.. expect to see alot of this ok?? This time topped with BBQ sauce, served with fresh green beans steamed and sprinkled with a little garlic salt. See? It's not too hard to get healthy eats in a pinch. Both meals literally took 16 minutes from start to finish! (including cooking time)
I totally understand that I am not one of the most creative bloggers out there. There are other bloggers who just absolutely kill it in the kitchen, and every day I really really want to be like them! But I'm not, I'm a lazy cook, limited in my food choices due to my food sensitivities. However- I still enjoy my food.. and now you know how easy it is to make healthy food choices and not just curl up with a bowl of cereal (of which I am VERY guilty!!!!)

Well, I hope you all are having a great weekend!! Let me know how you are doing please!!!!

And That's When I Snapped

Hey y'all.... how are you all! I'm doing ok.. I'm here at work.. desperately trying to find the time to write this..

Can you believe I was supposed to have the day off today? It's a national holiday in my book! But a couple of people at work had emergencies and the pressure went onto me to save the day. Naturally, I did. So here I am tired, slightly hung over, and pretty grumpy.

So let's start.. with yesterday.. I found out that I had to work today and I immediately got upset. Who gets called back from a day off to work?? Oh yea.. ME! So I did what any normal person would do when they get bad news..
I went to Borders and got an indulgent coffee drink. Complete with caffeine.

Let me tell you something. I felt like a smoker who has their first cigarette after not smoking for months.. (I only say that because I have been there too) I felt.. instantly better, then a little nervous and then guilty for liking the buzz that came with this. I'm glad I did it... it tasted great. You can't say that about smoking! ;)

The good news was I still was able to keep the plans I had made for dinner yesterday. I am sorry I didn't get any pictures of the dinner! I was with a co-worker (the same one who bought me a bottle of tequila and nominated me for an award..) and obviously work does not know about the blog- so I kept my camera in my bag (begrudgingly too- my dinner was great!) We went to Skipjacks and I had the Mahi-Mahi. The good news was, it was awesome. The bad news was it was $22! I could make at least 8 servings of my dinner for $22. The only other good news is, I didn't pay for dinner.

I did do two things though. Have too much to drink and then whipped out my camera to take pictures of the sunset. Obviously, my nervousness about my camera faded with the wine.. but I think the momentary embarrassment was worth it.

Wasn't it beautiful???
(with flash..)
(without flash..)
Which one do you like better? I have a "sunset" feature on my camera, I'm not sure which is prettier! They are both gorgeous!

Anyway- so the night moved onto the local dive bar, where two shots later, I was practically begging to go home. But I "hitched" a ride to my friends house (ladies.. don't drink and drive!) where she took us to a place near her house. I didn't snap any pictures there, I'm sure I looked like a hot mess, but we had fun. She is hysterical and she and her brothers kept me laughing all night long.

This morning was painful getting up. After all, it was supposed to be my day off.

But this little thing made me feel a lot better.


Thanks to all the new readers for commenting on my last post, I am trying to get caught up on blogs. Perhaps after work tonight while I'm recovering from last night still. Love you all!!!!!! Happy Thursday!!

Despicable Me

Happy Sunday! This weekend has been another whirlwind one... and I can't believe it's Sunday already!
Well, I'm hoping that this week goes by slow. Peanut and Maria's birthday is coming up faster than I can handle... I can't believe how old they are getting!

So in short. I finally made something to eat that required more than heating and serving...

This is my favorite easy dish to make, shrimp- simply spray a non-stick skillet with olive oil spray- and cook up the shrimp! Serve on top of GOYA RICE! I love Goya rice with a passion.. and I believe you should too.. haha.
That was Saturday's lunch- Peanut and I went on a little adventure on Saturday too. It rained like crazy for about an hour and caused chaos everywhere! Route One in Mass was flooded from one end to the other- and Peanut and I were DRIVING in it. Not fun! But, we made the best of it.. It still took almost 2 hours to go 10 miles, but who's keeping track???
Today is Sunday. DUH. We had church, then went and scooped up Maria for the afternoon. We were going to the movies! Yayyy! We came home and I had a salad. Please no one fall out of their chairs, I did have a salad! It was green. With lettuce. And other kinds of greens. I literally eat salads once every six months.. I sprinkled nutrional yeast on it.
This was better looking than tasting! But I ate anyway..

We saw Despicable Me at the movies- please if you have a sense of humor go see this movie!!!! It was sooooo funny! We loved it!

Well, right now we are watching the season premiere of Hannah Montana.. thank goodness this is the last season! I'm kinda tired of Hannah Montana! I think my dislike for HM & Miley is getting stronger and stronger. I don't understand the desire to show how "grown-up" you are by acting like a skank. Oh well, I'll save that for another time!
Good night y'all!!!!

A Weekend Like No Other

Wow, is it really July 5th already? I can't believe how fast the weekend went by. We certainly had a thrilling one. Seriously!!
I'm still coming down from the high I have right now. And yes, before you ask, it was completely substance free. Haha..

What did we have going on anyway?? I'm busy digging through my pictures trying to figure out how to chronologically put all this in here. So let's start with Saturday if we can. Peanut and I woke up late and I worked out- doing a Hip Hop Abs Total was Body Burn. It was tough but I loved working my abs off!!! So after that, Peanut and I went to the store at the outdoor mall near my house, we went totally NOT looking for anything to do but to return something. And we walked into a wild kid party. There was some road race going on the next day and there were tons of kid related activities, designed to get the parents excited about the race. I think that's what it was anyway.
So we stayed and got swept up in the action.

Face painting! And Qdoba! Yummy and perty!


We got airbrush tattoos too! So fun! Mine is almost rubbed off and Peanut's is totally gone. But they looked good when we got them!
After that adventure was done and over with we went home, ate again, and headed out to the fireworks... whoooooo!


They were really really awesome! I loved them.. but I was anxious to get myself home again. I was ready for BED. It really felt like the best day ever with the Peanut. We just really went with the flow and had a great time! Amazing!

But then came Sunday. And Sunday, I cried like a baby that night. I finally got to see my step-daughter after trying to survive without her. I have my own little one, but when I say she is the sweetest little girl I've ever met (besides mine of course!) I mean it! I love her so much!
Well, the three of us had an awesome time together. We went swimming (check FB for some fun pics) and then ate dinner and then went for ice cream. It was a blast. My SD said it was the best day ever.

My lil sis and her hubby came over and we had some crazy laughs. My lil sis is an awesome story teller- from her facial expressions to her crazy accents and mannerisms. Love it!
So this morning Peanut had her first day of summer camp and I ended up leaving Maria there as well. It totally broke my heart to see how much FUN she had at camp with the other theatre kids. Her mother won't let her do things like that because ... well I don't think she's interested in what Maria wants to do for fun. BUT I AM! Whatever it takes to make the kids happy (within reason of course! lol)
When I spoke to Maria on the way home she told me she couldn't wait to be living with me and Peanut. Again, I cried on the way home from dropping her off.

I realized something else tonight. I didn't think about food. I ate when I was hungry. I ate enough food and didn't think about "too much" or "do I really need to eat this?". I just ate. And I didn't even take any pictures of any food either! I consider this weekend to be a success. It was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I hope you all had marvelous weekends as well and enjoyed your time off if you had some.
Will be checking in tomorrow at some point! *hugs!*

Sheer Madness

It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG SeriouslyTHANKYOUJESUS!!!!!!!!

Can you tell I'm excited? I still have to work tomorrow too, but hey, Sunday is a play day, so I'm good with it!

Well, the last couple of days have been a little nutso. The fall out from my confrontation with someone wasn't as bad as I expected- I actually felt much better about myself. Which is always good!

The yoga front is looking a little bad lately, I worked out on Wednesday but not yesterday and not so far this morning. I have been taking 20 minute walks at lunch time, a stroll is better than nothing at all right? But I'm feeling a little lethargic and craving caffeine hard core. I can not give in!!!!!! Say no to drugs!

Tonight, I have a lot to do- food shopping, working out, work, blah!

I'm just doing up this post really quick NOW, so I don't have to worry about it LATER!

A peek inside my lunch box!



We have Gluten-free bunnies by Annie's, the Peanut's yogurt which I "borrowed", apples, a tuna cup, Attune bar, Larabar (peanut butter cookie!), in that blue thing under the Attune bar is veggie soup. It might seem like not a lot of food, but Friday's is Munchkin day here. And I would rather save the stomach ache and an extra 300 calories so I can have my little chocolate frosted munchkins.. Sad, I know!

Well dolls... I'm off to get back to work! Have a LOVELY Friday, hopefully tonight and tomorrow I'll be able to catch up on every one's blogs!!!

Subliminal Messages

God speak to me sometimes through tea bags.

No really, I swear! I kid you not.. the last few times I have had my tea, something has been going on and my flippin' tea bag had an all important message to me.

I was having a rotten day at work late last week. Isn't every day a rotten day?! But this one was topping the cake. I couldn't wait till 5 pm, I was snapping at people in my head.. asking myself why do I stay here? Why are people sooooo stupid?? Can't I just quit and be among the other people who just quit their jobs for no reason?

Nope! Stay put!

And change the way you think about it!

Saturday morning, Charlie and I were having a bad talk. I had been grumpy the last couple of days because work was heating up and he thinks I'm leaving when I get upset. See above.
Well, I was tired. And quiet. And there he was asking if I still wanted to do this with him.. and I kinda bit his head off. Told him to chill out!!!! I'm here dang it! And I'm gonna be here!!!! I did apologize because I didn't mean to speak to him so harshly. I felt bad, and I told him, I needed him just as much as he needs me. Then I cracked open my tea bag.

I think I need to send him this picture!

Yesterday, was the day before I got my you know what. And you know ladies, there is always that ONE day in your cycle where you feel like the world can't stop you- and no matter what you come out on top? That was that day for me. In a desperate attempt to try and make me look bad a certain baby mama told a certain thing about me that she heard from a "reliable source". 1. It wasn't me 2. It still wasn't me and 3. It was totally not me and wasn't true. But I got the chance to finally stick up for myself. You guys know that she is a source of a lot of problems for Charlie, their daughter, my daughter, and his family. She saw my sister at Wal-mart with her boyfriend... and said it was ME! WHAT? So anyway, one thing led to another and I let her have it, in the nicest way possible. I hate drama, but when my dignity and moral foundation is on the line, I just can't tolerate it and have to speak up.

It was interesting to say the least and I learned a lot more about her in that hour long conversation than I care to know. And the good thing was, I had the upper hand the whole time. Not that I was keeping score, but if this thing ever comes back to haunt me one day, I know that I was 1. honest 2. respectful and 3. in the right in defending myself. I felt bad about freaking out about it later but then I thought about it and I patted myself on the back.

I may not be a supermodel in the making like her, but there is one thing I will never be. A manipulative looney tunes!

Anyway, I'm getting back to work!!!! I hope you guys are having an AWESOME week so far! I'll be heading home tonight to work out- I didn't a chance to this morning, I couldn't sleep last night.. these flamingos showed up in the middle of the night and were squaking all night long.... sheeeeeesh!!!!

(fundraiser at church.. I'll be taking pics of when we move the flock to another location... muahahahahahaha!!!!!!)

Duck in a Pond

I am a duck in the pond. On the surface everything looks calm. I am aloof, serene, maybe even a little off-putting. But underneath, I am paddling away, fiercely, to keep myself floating. It's hard work...

My little feet are pushing through the water as I go around in circles around the pond. I push my head under the water for a brief second searching for food, an escape. I get nervous easily- scared by loud noises, kids, cars. When I get bothered by the other ducks in the pond I quack, flapping my wings, quack louder, push the water towards them. I quack and quack and flap my wings because I know of no other way to express my emotions.

The other ducks float off because they are scared of me. I pretend I like floating alone, but I hate it. I race for the shore where they all are desperately trying to fit in. Along the way, I see swans- with their long and graceful necks and pure white feathers. I stop and think to myself, "why do I not look like them? Why am I not perfect? Why am a short and squat.. with ugly brown feathers and this stupid huge duck bill.. it's not normal!" The swans swim gracefully away- it seems like they float on over the water, so ethereal and untouchable.


I waddle onto the shore and fight my way into the crowd of ducks eating bread crumbs, I'm so miserable this way it hurts..

Why am I the way I am? Why do I look so awful? Why do I quack so obnoxiously? Is there any beauty in me? If there is a chance for me to see it.. I want to see it now..

If you look close enough, you see something special on me that you don't see in some swans. It's under the surface, inside of me.. I have a heart. I have compassion and even though I scramble with words, get bothered easily, and flap through the water like a mad-man. Even though my outward expression seems often calm and emotionless- I'm struggling to get through it. I have a heart. Even though I am not a willowy pure swan who glides through everything. I have a heart.

I'm a duck in the water.

But I have a heart.

Wide Awake

Holy mother of God, it's Monday again. I'm here watching the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion.. they are so catty and crazy. I love it! It's craziness! Does anyone else like these shows??
So I survived the rest of the weekend, have I told you guys that I decided to stop drinking coffee? Since Charlie left I've been relying on coffee more and more to get through the day.. because I've been so tired all the time, blah blah blah. I love coffee.. who am I kidding?! But I'm trying to quit!!!!! BLECH! I'm making the switch over to decaf, to more green tea, etc. So yesterday when I got home from church, I was SO tired, I took a 3 hour nap. Which led me to be awake until 4 AM last night! W-T-F?!?!?!?! ARGH!!!! I broke out my laptop, I watched TV, I read. I tossed and turned and nothing. I was awake. My mind was going a hundred miles an hour and it just wouldn't stop! By the time 1 a.m. I realized that it was A. too late to take one of my mom's Vicodin's to knock me out. Or a Tylenol PM - before you think I'm a druggie.. lol B. really going to be a long day on Monday.

But I'm here, I'm alive! By the way, my mom is too! She broke a bone in her foot and pulled some tendons. She's using a cane to get around with her foot wrapped up. I've been helping her out and so have the Peanut and my niece.. good job girls!!! Lol.

Thanks for all your well wishes for her!!!!

So here's what I ate today while I was in a work haze/coma/in the zone.... I thought I wouldn't make it!!!

Breakfast: Blueberry Muffin Instant Oatmeal. I bought this a couple of weeks ago and just am trying it now.. I didn't really like it.. I'm not a blueberry fan.. so I think if you REALLY like bloobs- this is good!

I will not include a picture of it though. It kind of resembled something that would come out of my stomach after drinking and eating pancakes at iHop after.. UM YEA. You know you've done it!
Snack & Lunch: An Attune bar, sweet potato soup, and carrots.. got my veggies in today!



Snack 2 & 3: Annie's Gluten-Free Bunnies and a Cliff Z-bar Chocolate Brownie flavor. I was channeling my inner child.. haha.. plus I needed a "sugar boost". HA!


I came home from work and immediately hit the yoga mat. I stretched my whole body and it felt SOOOO good! I did yoga for about 40 minutes and by the end of it, my legs were shaking, my whole body was sweaty and I was happy as a clam. Exhausted but good.
I made fish for dinner... drowning it in healthy canola oil, and dumping garlic salt, pepper, red pepper, cilantro, and lime juice. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I loved this!!!! I love garlic! And this was fantastic! It sorta cleaned out my sinuses from the red pepper, but hey my sinus cavity is thanking me right now.

Dessert: CHOCOLATE!!!!! I broke off a hunk of it. Chocolate is good for you- especiallly dark chocolate!!! And I can't resist the call of chocolate- for real. I also randomly ate handfuls of cereal and a few tortilla chips and the end piece of bread in my bread loaf I have, with some margarine on it. Phew. A full days worth of eats.. haven't done that in long time!


Well, I shall meet up with you all tomorrow night, I've been commenting back and forth with some lovely people and I want you all to know, that even though we struggle sometimes.. we are all people who are worth more than the number on the scale.. We ARE!
*hugs to everyone*

The Hamburglar

Wow.. I can't believe all your comments guys.. ahem, gals.. I can't even begin to express how awesome it is to be among such awesome ladies in blog world. In this same scenario without my blog, I definitely would have been in shock for days before and after; after attempting a feat like, eating a burger.

I think the problem is, we have our fear foods. Some of us are anxious about eating pizza, or ice cream, or cake and can't be in situations where these foods are present. I suppose it's safe to say, burgers are my fear food. And I was craving one so bad... but it scared me to want one that bad.

To recap the comments I got..

Christina said, "The same goes for "splurges" of food - once in awhile is fine as long as you go back to healthy."

Katie said, "U do not have to WORRY about eating a burger and fries tonight at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kate said, "if u have a craving and totally ignore it, you will just end up eating a lot of other random stuff that you dont even want"

Jessie said, "So I don't have any advise but HATE when this happens. I totally know how you're feeling"

Debbi said, "If you throw it a curve ball every once in awhile (not too often mind you), then you kick it into high gear and it started to burn the extra calories and kinda prepares for the extra calories the next day."

Sarah said, "Good for you for going out anyway"

Lauren said, "Having a burger once in a while won't kill you, it won't make you gain weight"

Gaunt Future (I'm sorry doll I don't know your name!) said, "I hope you enjoyed every bite and didn't get anxiety once :)"

Well. We went out and I ate the dang burger. Yep. I did it. Oh my stomach protested. I prepared myself though. I made sure to eat healthy all day long, tomato soup and veggies for lunch. Waffles and peanut butter for breakfast. And a Cliff Bar for a late snack around 4:30-5. At 6:30 we went out.. Mind you I DID wear my sweatpants for this! lol

But from the comments I did get before I left, I actually texted to myself (I don't have the Internet on my phone due to my cheapness) and read them before I even walked in the door and when I ordered my food. I got a burger. Without the cheese and mayo and with extra tomato and with sweet potato fries on the side. So I got my Vitamin C, A, Iron, and protein. That's what I kept telling myself. It's good for me. It's good for me. It's good for me.
I didn't finish the whole thing because I did want to save room for my "Happy Ending" sundae. Something about jail bait cute high school boys just makes me say "yes" to upgrading a sundae..


(the Peanut had Mac and Cheese!!!!)


BBQ sauce.. love love love..




We had our usual for ice cream.. soft serve vanilla for me and forbidden chocolate for the Peanut. I don't like cherries that much, so Peanut stole mine..

So in short, I'm proud of myself for not backing out of getting what I really wanted and proud that I didn't go home and jump on the treadmill, or beat myself up. Ok, I did a little bit, but it was legitimately about the fact that the ice cream was bothering my stomach. I was thinking, "why the fudge can't Friendly's make a dairy free soft serve ice cream and save my stomach and my skin?!?!" Soft serve vanilla ice cream is the only thing I would never turn down. Never. Ever.

And to all my blog friends, I thank you so much. All your comments mean so much to me..

Tomorrow is the last day of Sunday School for the Peanut so there is a "party" at church. I'm excited about going! I have to get up early and make sure I drive my mother there. While I was writing this post, I heard yells coming from downstairs. I'm glad even though I'm as blind as a bat, I hear EVERYTHING. My mother went outside in the rain, in her flip flops, to take the trash out, was coming back in the door and she slipped and fell in the doorway. I ran downstairs to find out what happened.. I thought it was the cat howling.. only to find my poor mom sprawled out on the back porch. My parents are at the hospital as we speak, my dad thinks my mom's foot is sprained.. The fun never stops around here!

Well darlings, have an awesome rest of the weekend, I'll check in tomorrow!!!