Wow... I don't even know what to say guys. First of all, thank you for all your sweet comments. I don't know what I would do without the support of blog world- seriously. I haven't had the chance to email everyone who commented or wrote.. but I promise I will.
I wish I could say that I have come back refreshed, joyous, and full of promise.
I wish I could say that I ate like a star all week, and didn't stare blankly into the pantry or fridge, only to walk away empty handed. My appetite and grief go hand in hand.
I wish I could say that my "real" friends were as supportive of this whole thing as my "bloggie" friends. I have been stubborn lately, and saying, "someone will call me. someone will reach out." and nothing. Does anyone want my phone number?!
I wish I could say I didn't cry every night.
I wish I could say anything brilliant, worthwhile, refreshing, profound. So many words just jumble up in my head and to make them come out on paper? Man that is a task.
I came across my journal I kept two years ago at around this time and I was *shocked* to see that my thought process about myself was quite honestly the same.
I wish I could say that I think in the last couple of years I have grown mentally and emotionally. Although I have CLEAR goals in my head- I think they are lost a little at this time.
I quit dance class.
My teacher was the creepo who tried to *molest* me a while back and as much as I wanted to keep dancing there and as much as I LOVE it, my gas tank, wallet, and mental health will thank me.
Instead I bought these two DVD's. Anasma Liquid Fusion Hip Hop/Belly Dancing. Um sexy much?! I'm really looking forward to getting them and they were really cheap. I will do them twice and they will pay for themselves compared to dance(my dance class was $10 per class).
Even though this post finds me still struggling, I do have faith that it will get easier and THIS TIME will not be forever. The future is way better than the misery of the present and as long as I'm still able to get up out of bed- I consider the day a success. Obviously, I need to work on my expectations ; )
That brings me to some of my eats. Like I said, lately this has been a hard area for me- BUT I'm a work in progress.
This was yummy.. I really liked it, even though I thought I wouldn't. I love eggs, so I thought this would end up being a poor substitute for scrambled eggs, but it was delightful, savory dish. The hash browns even had a "crunch" to them despite being nuked..
These weren't too bad. I bought a weeks worth of Attune bars because I wanted to see if my stomach would be able to handle it and react well. So far so good. I love chocolate so this was a good way to have some "functional chocolate".
Another snack I felt I needed to try. Please guys, don't go shopping with my daughter! Everything I picked up she made me throw in the cart. So when I pondered over these in the yogurt section of Hannafords and explained how they worked to her, she said, "oh just get them mom, seriously!!!". Yea, 7 going on 17 right here guys!
And then one more I got, you know, just for good measure..
Freeze-dried pineapple. It wasn't too bad, but I forgot that pineapple is one of those fruits that if it ain't cooked my mouth don't like it. So I ended up drinking about 5 glasses of water after eating these babies.
I did bake though. What? Me? Cook something? Yes, I know you are all shocked!! Another purchase the Peanut said I "needed to get" at Hannafords. She kills me!
Sorry it is such a crappy picture of the finshed product, but this was really good!!! I managed to spread out eating this through-out a few days, but it was hard to not eat it all in one sitting.
I added honey to the batter and used rice milk in place of water to make it "richer". YUM! Loved it! (P.S. Peanut painted my nails for me.. I think she wants to be my boss, always pushing me around, telling me what to do.. lol)
I should be cooking tonight. I have some chicken sausage in my fridge that needs to get used up. Plus some rice mix (you know I love my Goya rice...). I hope this post finds everyone who reads and comments blessed. Seriously because I feel blessed to be able to be a part of this community. You guys are awesome and really do make it all worthwhile.