Tuesday, April 27, 2010

On To The Next One

Wow... I don't even know what to say guys. First of all, thank you for all your sweet comments. I don't know what I would do without the support of blog world- seriously. I haven't had the chance to email everyone who commented or wrote.. but I promise I will.
I wish I could say that I have come back refreshed, joyous, and full of promise.
I wish I could say that I ate like a star all week, and didn't stare blankly into the pantry or fridge, only to walk away empty handed. My appetite and grief go hand in hand.
I wish I could say that my "real" friends were as supportive of this whole thing as my "bloggie" friends. I have been stubborn lately, and saying, "someone will call me. someone will reach out." and nothing. Does anyone want my phone number?!
I wish I could say I didn't cry every night.
I wish I could say anything brilliant, worthwhile, refreshing, profound. So many words just jumble up in my head and to make them come out on paper? Man that is a task.
I came across my journal I kept two years ago at around this time and I was *shocked* to see that my thought process about myself was quite honestly the same.
I wish I could say that I think in the last couple of years I have grown mentally and emotionally. Although I have CLEAR goals in my head- I think they are lost a little at this time.
I quit dance class.
My teacher was the creepo who tried to *molest* me a while back and as much as I wanted to keep dancing there and as much as I LOVE it, my gas tank, wallet, and mental health will thank me.

Instead I bought these two DVD's. Anasma Liquid Fusion Hip Hop/Belly Dancing. Um sexy much?! I'm really looking forward to getting them and they were really cheap. I will do them twice and they will pay for themselves compared to dance(my dance class was $10 per class).

Even though this post finds me still struggling, I do have faith that it will get easier and THIS TIME will not be forever. The future is way better than the misery of the present and as long as I'm still able to get up out of bed- I consider the day a success. Obviously, I need to work on my expectations ; )

That brings me to some of my eats. Like I said, lately this has been a hard area for me- BUT I'm a work in progress.

This was yummy.. I really liked it, even though I thought I wouldn't. I love eggs, so I thought this would end up being a poor substitute for scrambled eggs, but it was delightful, savory dish. The hash browns even had a "crunch" to them despite being nuked..
These weren't too bad. I bought a weeks worth of Attune bars because I wanted to see if my stomach would be able to handle it and react well. So far so good. I love chocolate so this was a good way to have some "functional chocolate".

Another snack I felt I needed to try. Please guys, don't go shopping with my daughter! Everything I picked up she made me throw in the cart. So when I pondered over these in the yogurt section of Hannafords and explained how they worked to her, she said, "oh just get them mom, seriously!!!". Yea, 7 going on 17 right here guys!
And then one more I got, you know, just for good measure..
Freeze-dried pineapple. It wasn't too bad, but I forgot that pineapple is one of those fruits that if it ain't cooked my mouth don't like it. So I ended up drinking about 5 glasses of water after eating these babies.

I did bake though. What? Me? Cook something? Yes, I know you are all shocked!! Another purchase the Peanut said I "needed to get" at Hannafords. She kills me!
Sorry it is such a crappy picture of the finshed product, but this was really good!!! I managed to spread out eating this through-out a few days, but it was hard to not eat it all in one sitting.
I added honey to the batter and used rice milk in place of water to make it "richer". YUM! Loved it! (P.S. Peanut painted my nails for me.. I think she wants to be my boss, always pushing me around, telling me what to do.. lol)

I should be cooking tonight. I have some chicken sausage in my fridge that needs to get used up. Plus some rice mix (you know I love my Goya rice...). I hope this post finds everyone who reads and comments blessed. Seriously because I feel blessed to be able to be a part of this community. You guys are awesome and really do make it all worthwhile.


  1. wow, everything you picked out looks so healthy! and I LOVE Amy's! such good food right there :)
    also- I'm sorry that you feel like none of your friends are reaching out! if you ever want to talk or anything, feel free to leave your email and I will definitely email you! I would even call if you want. I know the feeling of being forgotten or ignored and it is NOT a good one.

    oh, and your dance teacher sounds like a creeper. but that DVD looks FUN. :D

  2. oh my gosh i adore you!!
    i am soo sorry about your friends. if you need an email, im only a click away..otherwise.. praying for you girl!

  3. Well We all love you beautiful!!!!!!!

    I am blessed to be your friend!!!!!!!!!! Always here for you!!

    Wow the oil for your hair sounds cool, where did u get it?!! Oh girl the blowdryer is amazing!!! Its worth every penny!!!!!!!!!!!

    I hope my fiance reads my damn blog and buys me that, lol!!! I actually prob would be mad if he did, cause I would cram the whole box in 5 minutes and then feel blah!!!

  4. you have some really neat foods there. i don't think i've ever seen any of those on the shelves here before... i gotta look harder! lol. Thanks for your comment on my blog. i can use all the support and well wishes i can get right now. take care :)

    xoxo Tia @ dietcolagirl.blogspot.com

  5. **hugs** I'm sorry things are so hard right now, but you need to take care of yourself more than anything even though it seems like the hardest thing to do right now.

    I totally understand how you feel about the journals--I keep telling myself that I've come so far but when I look back at the things I wrote a year ago or two or three years ago I don't see any change. It's hard and it's frustrating because I feel like I've worked so hard and yet I'm still in the same place that I started in. But we will get through this and we can beat this! I believe that.

    Send me your number and I'll call you!

  6. So sorry to hear about the dance class. I know it made you SO happy, but you definitely needed to quit if your teacher was such a creeper. Also, so sorry to hear about your funk. It will get better, I'm sure. Just hang in there. Take care sweets!
    P.S. I was nervous about Glee, too, at first. Some of the songs were a little off, but I ended up liking it at the end- especially the Quinn/Mercedes and Finn/Kurt's father interactions.

  7. Awwe, love!
    I´m so sorry!
    All I really wanted was to give you a big hug right now!
    And I wish I could call you, too ;)
    But, remember – things will get better, girl!
    I´m so proud of you for trying new things and being such an amazing Mom for Peanut, even in those bad times!
    You´re a superwoman :)
    Hang in there, dear!
    Have a fantastic night!
    Brazilian XOXO´s,
    P.S.: The name of my grandpa´s Hydro-Eletric Power Station is “Serra do Facão”, supported by FURNAS. His name is Eduardo Bueno. Does it look familiar to you? It would be SO fun! Haha. Love u! XOXO, G.

  8. Thank you so much for the comment on my blog. I can't wait to keep following yours :)

    I'm sorry that you are struggling right now, and even though you feel like you haven't made any progress, you have. Just the fact that you read your own journals and saw the truth shows how far you have come. You might not have been able to make your goals a reality yet, but they are there and you should be proud of that.

    Cheer up girl :)
    <3 Tat

  9. Aww I wished we lived closer. I think you're a blast and I'd call you up and hang out and do the dance vid with you!

    I'm glad you're trying to be more positive and you always know where my email is if you need me! We can talk too if you want - just let me know!

  10. You got warm comments...because YOU are an awesome person! Hugs, hugs, a million of hugs, my dear. I'm so touched that you are still persevering on, despite the obvious struggles.

    And good thing you quit the dance class....molesting creepy teachers? Ew, why the heck would you wanna pay him to do that? I hope you find some other good dance classes, and in the meantime, enjoy your at-home workout!

  11. I'm a little behind..not quite sure what has been going on with you or getting you down lately but I'm so glad that your bloggie friends were able to help.
    Things will get better for you soon. We all go through difficult things, and you have to remember "this too shall pass".
    Hang in there xox

  12. I so wish your friends could be more supportive... I mean at least we're here for you but I know that having someone close to you not be 100% supportive can be so hurtful...*hugs*

    Your nails look lovely :)

    ps: thanks for the sweet comments :) always heart-warming!!