Happy Thursday peoples, it's almost the weekend you know? I can't wait for tomorrow I can go to bed early, sleep late.. it will be glorious!
So last night I wrote up a whole post kind of dedicated to National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. I've been reading some great posts this week in reference to shining the light on eating disorders and how much life an ED sucks out of you as a person. I admit, once I wrote I thought to myself, "no one's going to read this". You guys want escapism, happy stuff.
I read a lot of blogs sometimes and I remember reading one in particular (I won't link back to it, because I'm sure I'd never be able to find it again) where the poster reached her goal weight and didn't know why she still hated herself. Why wasn't she beautiful yet? Why didn't she feel happy? It's because ED takes all that away from you. It takes away the ability to look in the mirror and like what you see because no matter how many pounds you lose, it's never enough. No matter how many hours you workout, it's never enough.
I was never officially diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder, but I know for a fact that how I viewed (and still think sometimes) myself was not normal. Fat and disgusting was my normal mantra and stopped me from enjoying pretty much anything in my life for a while. I restricted and binged, in a continuous cycle. If a guy rejected me it was because I was not tiny. If I got in trouble at work, it was because I was ugly and not cute like the other girls. I didn't eat cream cheese, ice cream, burgers, fries, good God there were so many foods I just wouldn't touch because they were "bad" foods.
I'll be first one to admit, I still struggle with this. The hardest thing to do with any kind of disordered eating pattern is to break the thought process that makes you think you aren't worth anything because you don't weigh 95 pounds.
I often don't post up what I eat because it's boring and the same thing over and over again.
I often don't talk about my workouts because I work too hard in the time I allow myself to work out. Or I don't do it all and feel like a slacker.
I don't talk about what I am wearing because I don't have a clue what to wear when my skinny jeans don't make me feel skinny.
There are a lot of feelings here I won't mention because I'm too scared.
Remember my mental health challenge from the beginning of the year? I fight that everyday!
Remember when I posted up old pictures of myself? I still want to look like that!
Well people, it's time for me to get back to work, but I definitely did not want to leave you without some pictures. Here is the kitty whom you all love.....
(this is her "chair" for watching out the window)
She is available for adoption. Requirements for her new family
1. must be early risers- she eats at 5:30 am on the nose
2. must have three hands- two to continue with normal human tasks, one to pet her
3. must have a soft lap so she can sit in it
4. must also have alligator skin so when she gets mad she can scratch you without hurting you
5. must have catnip toys
6. must have earplugs- she is very noisy...
Anyone? Want her? Doesn't she look like she is CRYING out for a new family?!?!?!
Over the weekend I'm on a mission to get KTBWood's package sent out.... I didn't forget about you girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have tried some new foods and wanted to give you guys a full review on them. Other than that I'm not sure what is up for the weekend, no skating this weekend bummer!!!
Have a great Thirsty Thursday!!!!