I had a beautiful post. Talking about how well I was doing the last couple of days, despite it being C's birthday today (Happy Birthday sweetness!) and I was upset about being apart then. I was doing ok, a little tired. A little worn down. But I hadn't thought about tearing myself down.
All your comments made me smile by the way. I love you guys.
I was complaining today to C about being away from each other on his birthday. Trying to work out at the same time (he always knows when I'm working out and calls me then. I'm not sure how he does it). Then I changed really quick and grabbed the Peanut to go to the store and buy some food, I was hungry.
My mom stopped me before I left and said, "just so you know in case you notice your dad looks a little down today.. he lost his job".
I think I had a hot flash, followed by a cold freeze all over myself. My mom breezed out the door at that point, running late for a rehearsal and there I was standing in the kitchen to think about all this.
My poor father..
I cried, still took Peanut to the store, and spent 20 minutes staring at shampoo bottles in Target. I bought some shampoo for my mop (definitely needed). Then headed to Hannafords where I stared at the food for another 25 minutes. Not really putting anything in my basket- instead I picked stuff up for Peanut.
We left the store and I'm blinking back tears, crying for my dad. My other half. My own self. I wasn't strong enough to stand on my own two feet suddenly. I felt weak and tired and helpless. My body was screaming for relief and I yelled out in my head, "what's next God???"
I got in the car and we started to head home, Peanut still chattering away behind me.
I looked up suddenly startled by the sky.
I see those shoulders bend all weighted by the thought
One more day to carry on, now, carry on
Trouble she cannot shake
Dreams she would like to take her away, yeah, away
I'll be waiting for the sun to rise
So I can start again by and by
I'll be looking o'er my head to the sky
See the clouds open wide, reveal my faith
I totally lost it at that moment. The Peanut and I got out of the car laughing. I had tears coming down my face while I was taking pictures. I haven't seen such a thing since I was a kid.
How amazing God can be, sometimes I don't know what to think. To tell you right there, it's going to be ok.
I don't know what my dad will do for now, but he has a lot of people rooting for him. I don't know how C will get by for now, but he prays everyday for the strength to make it through another day. And me?
I think I'll be ok.
"... He will lead them to the springs of life-giving water; And God will wipe away all their tears." Rev. 7:17