Shocking, I Know

Happy Weekend! It was a hot day today over here in NE. I still haven't made it to the beach yet. I'm very upset about that one, I need to tan! I really shouldn't - I'm trying to stay out of the sun, but.. I can't help but love the sun!!!

Well Friday was uneventful. And I mean that. My Pilates workout that I penciled in, I got in at the end of the day. And that's ok by me! As long as it gets done at some point, it's all good! I did eat my weight in fruit salsa and pita chips that my mom made. I really love this!! My mom has outdone herself! Simple! Sweet! Delicious!

My mom made Jambalaya with shrimp and chicken as well for dinner and I helped myself to a nice plate of it. This was easy as well. GOYA (be still my beating heart..) RICE and shredded chicken and cut up shrimp. See? It's easy to cook ladies, even if you have no clue what to do!

My dessert was something that has been sitting in my freezer for a while now-


This was so yummy! A nice little dessert for the end of a hot night!
Saturday was a big day for us, me and Peanut had a lot to do! I started the day by doing a Hip Hop Abs Total Body Burn.. it burned my body, gave me a nice boost!
My breakfast to power up for the day.. yummy waffles with Raspberry preserves and Dark Chocolate Dreams PB. YUM!

Lunch was.... a salad, shocking, I know!

I tried a new dressing, Annie's Raspberry Vinaigrette- it was pretty darn good. I liked it! But... I hate to break it to you, but I ONLY had a salad because for my "real lunch" I was having one of these:

This is a caramel frappacino from Starbucks made with soy milk for an extra 50 cents. I LOVE these things, but I practically have to pawn my belongings to pay for one. But, it was my treat and was worth the trade off for "real food" for a change. And hey, it's the weekend!!
And here, my dears was my dinner! Barbecue chicken and apples sprinkled with brown sugar. I had two pieces of chicken.. it was so good! The skin was crispy and juicy at the same time and the flavor was awesome!

Well tomorrow, there is not much planned. Church, pool, pool, sun, pool, sun. I expect to get crispy and juicy like my chicken. You know, burnt and wet. From the pool!! God guys, what kind of a person do you think I am?! Anyway- have a fabulous rest of the weekend dears, I'll be blog reading soon, tomorrow night, tonight, I NEED to get my laundry done! I'm such a rockstar!!!

All The Small Things

Good day people! How are you? It's been so long since I visited.. I literally have had a million things I could be blogging about, and the pics to prove it and I have NOTHING to say! Me? Speechless? Is that even possible? I ALWAYS have something to say!
Couple things..

I did not babysit.

I'm not sure what happened, but drama unfolded. I really don't like being compared to homewreckers, hookers, or hoodrats nor do I like dealing with them! At any rate- SIL found someone else to watch the kids, even though despite the drama I was willing to do it and jumped through several hoops to get it all set up. But in the end, it was just me and the Peanut all weekend. Cheaper, quieter, less stress all around. End of story. OK. Enough of me blabbering!

Saturday I used my coupon to Qdoba given to me by one of my co-workers. I forgot to properly thank him, so I will publicly out him and say THANKS FOR THE COUPON MIKE! He donated blood, and I got to eat. Whooooo! And here's what we had!


Peanut's plate: chips, with a chicken taco- hold the guac and the sour cream. She was holding her taco, I was stealing chips..

My plate- I got one of those "pick 2" kind of deals.. tortilla soup (the effing bomb there!) and a grilled quesadilla. I know what you are thinking, CHEESE? FLOUR? GIRRRRRLLLLLL? Every once in a while, I just can't help myself. I'm only happy that my reaction to cheese and gluten merely involves a stomach ache and a mild rash on my right leg. Bizzare yea. Tolerable enough to eat cheese and flour tortilla's once in a while? YEA.

I love this soda.. it has 2 servings of fruit in it- so I was happy!

The rest of the weekend went like this.. bike riding, sleeping, bike riding, sleeping, working out, eating, bike riding, sleeping. Are you noticing a pattern here? I have a child who loves to be outside riding her bike, I can't say no to that! But let's just say if C was home, I'd being saying no to something else becaues my ass feels like.... well. I just won't go there!

I totally have MORE MORE MORE to say, so I might be behind in my blogging a bit- just bear with me.. I'll get up to date and you might see a post from May sometime soon. OK?!

Hugs to everyone, I'll also be working on catching up on my dang google reader.. I feel so lost without you all!

It's Far From Over

I just started and restarted this post about a million times. I can't think of words to say that will rightfully express what I'm feeling right now. I don't think there are any words to describe it. It's a mixture of relief, sadness, happiness, compassion, joy, and finally, a little peace.

Everyday it's a different struggle for me.

Everyday it's a different reason to feel down. To be angry with myself over something stupid.

But everyday I want to smack myself and say, "what the hell is the matter with you???"

Then I remember that there IS something the matter with me. And I can't fix it by myself. It can't be fixed with a pasta dinner. Or a pedicure. Or a book. Or repeating little mantras to myself. This is a deep seeded belief that I don't deserve what I have. That I don't deserve to be happy. Or thin. Or beautiful. Because what I see in the mirror is a reflection of what I think is inside. And that view is a distorted, freakish thing.

I remember meeting Charlie's ex for the first time two years ago, she is tall, thin, hair is gorgeous, skin is perfect. Her make-up was perfectly applied and her clothes trendy, new, and expensive. I literally almost passed out. Here I was, in sweat pants and a tshirt. I had showered but a ponytail held my hair back and I had minimal make-up on. I'll be honest, I was going to visit Charlie after he got arrested- so who the hell was I trying to impress? And WHO was she trying to impress?

She said, "who the fuck does she think she is? Look at her! I'm beautiful and she's fuckin' ugly. Why the fuck do you want her?"

I said nothing in reply, my face must have turned purple in shame. I thought Charlie was going to slap her though. From then on in, I was the ugly white bitch to her. And to me, I never forget words. Words are things you can never take back, even when said in a moment of anger. Charlie defended me, and has everytime she brings that day up to him- he thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks even though she's pretty to everyone else, she is ugly on the inside and I'm perfect. He is proud of me, because I'm everything she isn't. I work, I pay my bills, I'm a good mom, I have a perfect body (his words obviously), and best of all, I treat him like gold. He calls the 6 years he was living with her a prison sentence. But I remember that moment bringing back in the fear that I am not good enough. Why would he want me instead of her? I try to remember who she really is. And it works for the moment. I still get angry when I hear that he talked to her, mainly because, even after all this time, she still thinks I stole her man. Um hello wacko! NO! I'd just like to point out that C and this crazy biz-natch were broken up for 3 years when I met him!

Where am I going with all this stuff anyway? Oh yea. I really believe that one of the issues I have is not about my body. It's the reflection of how I feel about the inside of myself- coming out. It's that I'm not "enough". Enough what? Smart enough, friendly enough, good enough, popular enough, pretty enough. And when I feel not enough I turn to the only thing that makes sense to me. Beat up the vessel that carries all these human emotions, tendencies, and weaknesses around. Which is what I find alot of us do. Agree? The hardest thing to do is to believe how strong and beautiful we really are.
Wow, I can't believe I wrote that much.. I didn't mean to get so deep for a day after hump-day. I'll be working on self-reflection and learning to recognize what I am feeling and if I'm feeling that way because of some other emotion. Like am I saying I'm fat because I'm feeling sad about my friends not calling me... ever? Good plan no? Cognitive behavior therapy right here kids!!!!!!!! Change the way you think!

So I promised you food didn't I? I did.. Dinner.. and more dinner. Along with Shaun T, the sexy guy from Hip Hop Abs for dessert.


Here we have Van's gluten-free waffles with Almond Butter and Raspberry jelly. I stole three apple slices from the Peanut's plate.. haha. A smaller dinner because I had a huge lunch and a huge dinner on Tuesday night. I did end up making the rice and sausage mix. I used Al Fresco chicken sausage... holy deliciousness in a sausge and no I'm not talkin' about a man!!!!!


(my sense of humor is obviously still intact...)
Here is Shaun T up on my big screen TV. Look he's trying to give you a hug!!!!!!
I really think he's a little on the gay side, but he can be gay all he wants, as long as he's straight for me!!!!!!!!

Big plans this weekend. It's going to be sunny sunny and sunny. Tan. Tan. Tan. I need a tan! I will be bike riding. I will be running around like a mad-dog. And hopefully, heading out someplace with the Peanut. My goal is to go to Five Guys & A Burger with her, but I'm not sure that will end up happening.. maybe just for some frozen yogurt or something small like that. Let's not push it with burgers and fries!
If you are still reading after all this blabber, thank you, for your heartfelt words of support. They mean more to me than you will ever ever know. We are all in this together right?? *cue High School Musical soundtrack*. You guys rock my socks. :)

Rock The Boat

Happy hump day everyone!

So who's been watching the news about New England lately? Can you see the insanity that is Rhode Island? We are literally floating away over here! Let's go for a round-up in what's happening. My boss and two of my co-workers live in Fall River, Dartmouth, and Assonet. All three towns are completely closed and drowning. No way in, and hardly ANY way out! My sister lives in West Warwick. Right on the Pawtuxet River. Her neighborhood was evacuated immediately due to the imminent flood waters coming. Her boyfriend stayed behind; presumably with a six pack and some friends- and a canoe to pump water out of the house! Crazy right?! Well, as you know I said in my last post that we were lucky that we escaped all the flood waters because, well my house is on a slight hill and we typically don't get alot of "flooding" in our area.

Check this out!!!!

That is my backyard!!!! Holy crap!

The water was being pumped out of our basement over here...

Isn't that crazy? My dad built a "trench" for the water to flow down and around the shed in the backyard. He's so crafty... lol

Tomorrow I have to head to Cranston, RI- which, if you have seen the news is the hardest hit city in all this. I'm hoping I can get there in under 3 hours, because they closed ALL major routes going in and out of Cranston! Every back road is a "minor" route which is also closed. Go figure! Cross your fingers for me!!!

Hey.. I actually cooked tonight! Can you believe it? I feel so lost in the kitchen lately! Tonight's dish featured these ingredients.. I've never tried Red Quinoa before and I was pleasently surprised at how chewy it was, but it was awesome. I liked it.. : )


I added corn, broccoli, tomato sauce, Italian seasoning, garlic salt, and pepper, and SHRIMP... it was meh. I liked it but it was forgettable. Sad really. Don't try to make it ok? It will tide me over for a few meals though.. lol


Well, since we are still recovering from the great flood, I'm not sure what we are up to this weekend! I have a salsa workshop to go to, but it's in Cranston (aka. flood city..) so I'm not sure if everything will be cleaned up or not yet!

So, cross your fingers for me twice!!!! Happy Easter to all of you! I have a couple of menu ideas for my own dinner- as my big Italian family *loves* to make things I can't eat! Dang it!!

Where Did The Week Go?

I have no clue! I woke up and it was Thursday!

First of all, Happy Birthday to the most lovely girl ever. She knows who she is! I'm still trying to decide if she is keeping it a secret or not. So let's see if she reads this.. lol

Key things to note about the week.

1. Hot chocolate is always better in pairs. And it is especially indulgent when drinking it at work with a throw away cup. This is seriously the only way I've been making it through the days here at work.


I should really be using my mug I have at work. I know!!!!!

I also tried something new this week. Yummy tasty. Simple and easy to make! I'm a frequent stalker of the fabulous Mama Pea who always has delish recipes up. A couple of weeks ago I saw a recipe for quionoa up and she described it as tasting just like Spanish rice. YEA YUMMY. You all know by now, I'm a Latin Lover.
Of course, I de-veganized it by adding shrimp. I finally used up the last of a huge bag of shrimp! Whoooo..




I guess my goal of posting every other day is not happening right now.. I will be trying to do better next time! We have some crazy stuff coming up this weekend! Well, not really, but hey one can dream right?!
So far this week it's been dramatic personal life wise, so I am hoping that things can calm down over the weekend and go back to normal. Normal is relative though isn't it? I have to remember my mantra, "remember the source!" and keep repeating that to myself.
Hope everyone is having a LOVELY week so far!

When You Have Been Failed

Part of my mental health makeover was to revamp my work schedule a little bit. You know, try to spend more time with the babies, since I don't get home usually till about 6:30 or so..then it's bed time at 7:30.. my company should try and support me in my efforts to be a better worker/mom right?

WRONG. THANKS A BUNCH WORK!

I didn't ask for a reduced work week, or reduced hours, and still I get shot down to accommodate our current goal of meeting certain metrics. The people who came up with these metrics either have spouses who stay at home, or are business women who are not married or have children. Go figure right?

So I am back to square one to figure out how I am going to spend more time with my daughter. Any suggestions besides calling in sick more and making up excuses to leave early?

And moving onto food..
I have almost a full days worth of food for you guys to see! GASP!

Breakfast! I had a Glutino bagel w/ Tofutti "Better than cream cheese" Holy toledo, this was my first time having the Tofutti cream cheese, it was pretty darn good! It was pretty close to the real stuff. Cheese fiends.. this is no sub for Laughing Cow cheese wedges, but it is right up there with the taste and wow factor for creaminess! I loved it!

Up next.. LUNCH! I don't typically post up pictures of my lunch. Why? Because they are boring. Same thing everyday. "Fruit salad"

And some kind of soup.
I know this is difficult to see anything, but there are beans, tomatoes, onion, potatoes, and turkey sausage. Oh yea and some beef stock. My mom made it! I would have added a few more spices and a little salt. She has high blood pressure though and doesn't add salt to anything!


And then usually I round it all out with a little cracker love.

These are the Mary's Gone crackers. I *heart* Mary's Gone. Why did they name them Mary's Gone? From the sounds of the "story" found here; I think it was because she was always running out of them! Good thing they are mass-produced now!
Because I've been so short on time and energy lately I've been doing wrong and turning to my favorite combo. Rice mix and some kind of extra veggie or protein. In this case: Goya Mexican rice and shrimp. It takes 20 minutes and the most pain in the ass thing is taking the shrimp tails off the cold shrimp. My fingers always freeze.
I know these things have a lot of sodium, but I don't care. They are so good it's worth drinking the extra water and doing jumping jacks to sweat it all out!
One package of the Goya rice usually gives me 2 meals worth of food. So I can pre-make dinner for the next night too!

Well that about rounds up my day of food! I try to make sure I have dessert too- usually in the form of hot chocolate and a Luna bar. Sugar shock before bed I know! Ha!

Hey all, Happy freakin' Friday! Hope you all have a great weekend!

Remember The Time When?

Yay!!! Another Wednesday over and done with! Here I am stuck in bed slaving away! We had today off at work however they did ask for a skeleton crew to come in and cover the phones. Say WHAT?!! I did not bite on that one, I was desperate for a day off. But I did promise to log in on the laptop and work at home to help. So when I logged in and saw 12 phone calls waiting in our call queue; I did something I have never done before. I switched my phone line over to my house phone.... and took work calls from my couch. While watching Hannah Montana. OH JOY!!! It was pretty funny. Olivia started getting pesky and I had to shush her. Then my grandmother came over and started complaining about something- my customer I had on the phone then asked me, "are you at home?".. "why YES sir I AM!". It would have been hysterical...if only it wasn't work! After I'm done here I'll be working some more. But I'm not worried, OT is a glorious thing!
So the first half of my day was spent walking on the treadmill while watching The Proposal (SOOOOOO FUNNY! Loved it!) Then I showered up and headed to Qdoba with my little sister and Olivia. She is an avid story teller and sometimes we just sit there and laugh.. and shake our heads.. and wonder what she's talking about!



(sheesh I didn't realize how frumpy her hair looks.. poor kid!)
Oh I didn't take a picture of what I got: Grilled Chicken Burrito w/ Fajita Veggies, hold the sour cream and cheese. I ate a few bites of the burrito to save my stomach the agony... now.. but it was SO good! The burritos there are HUGE it was the size of a small loaf of bread!
Then we went to Payless where I took advantage of the BOGO shoe sale they were having and went to TOWN. Well not really, I got a new pair of nice suede-ie boots- love them! What was the second pair half off? Tap shoes for Olivia! She has been taking tap and she is awesome at it, I'm so proud of her! I can't wait for her recital this spring..
So when we got home and after I had worked for a couple of hours, we made brownies!
I've been dying to try these brownie mixes by Betty Crocker- they are gluten-free!!! It's about freakin' time! This discrimination against GF peeps is almost over! I read some reviews about the brownie mix on Amazon.com and figured it would be great- no bad reviews on there!

So what's the scoop? These are as easy to make as a regular Betty Crocker mix, butter and eggs are all you need. One bowl, one pan. Wow, no real mixing required besides elbow grease.
Taste wise? Spot on my lovelies. SPOT ON. You want chocolate? You got it! Look- chocolate chips!!!!!!

So I only found ONE thing wrong with these babies- you should use real butter. Which makes my dairy-free stomach way unhappy. They kind of crumbled apart when I was taking them out of the pan. I was thinking I should try adding some fake cream cheese to thicken it up, but at 6 pm I had no motivation to run out to Handnafords and get some. Next week, I will try that! But damnnnnnnnnn... look at these!

Alright before I sign off I'll give you a better picture of my lil frumpy kiddo. I got her school pictures back today and my little angel is a beauty!!! I cou!ldn't scan it in, but here is a "snap" shot!

Puddin' On The Ritz

Happy Friday everyone!!! I'm so thrilled Friday is finally here! You have no idea!The last few weeks I've been getting to work at 7:30 and most nights not leaving until 5:30 or 6.. so any chance I get to relax, I'm doing it! To protest my new schedule I showed up to work at 8 today and I am running out the door at approximately 4:59. Don't tell my boss I'm leaving early though! Haha! (my hours are 8-5 btw in case you think I'm crazy for leaving an hour early) I'm sorry for doing alot of complaining lately about how busy I am.. I'm cranky- what can I say???

So let's see where was I?????? Ohhhhh yea! Food! *****(I'm sitting here staring at my picture folder on my desktop and the thing that is staring back at me is the taco picture from my previous post. God I'm flipping hungry!!!!)*****
Well like I said my old aunty picked up some GF ice cream cones for me. She is so good sometimes- I swear she is the most annoying old woman I know besides my grandmother- but she ALWAYS finds the most random GF/DF shit out there. And gets them for pennies! Here's what she picked up for me the last time she came over-

I know right?! Let me tell you I tore into this box as soon as I saw it. I bit into one thinking it was going to taste like cardboard. I was close. Fluffy cardboard with a slight hint of vanilla. Just like a REAL ICE CREAM CONE!!!
Well we didn't have any ice cream in the house, sadly, so poor Olivia could not try it out for real. But I think my substitute was pretty good! Chocolate pudding! It looks like real ice cream doesn't it?


She was happy with it! Good right after a bath treat...
Hmmmm soooo what did I eat? I tried one of these...

that really looked like this...


It was "ok". I liked it but for how much it cost ($5!!!) I could've bought 6 salmon filets at Target (indivually frozen.. those babies are yummmm and super easy to make)
The problem I had with it was I was hungry five minutes later! It was supposed to fill me up! It had 390 calories and 13 fat grams in it. And good fat, walnuts and salmon - what happened there?! I supplemented the dinner with some Cinnamon Puffins and chocolate almond milk. Great dessert!

Thursday night is dance class night with my sister-in-law! We had a blast AGAIN. I think I forgot to tell you how last week went too. We got there last week and I was figuring it would be a fluff class for me because as you guys know I have danced salsa for four years, and taught for one of those years. I was pretty cocky going into it. Well... I got booted in the butt! The teacher teaches salsa ON TWO. Which is New York style salsa- which.. I never learned. I learned ON ONE. The basic difference is where you break your steps. If you watch my salsa video (I think its the one where I have a skirt on..) you can see that I step forward on the FIRST count of the beat, where as NY Salsa you step forward on the SECOND beat. This is completely backwards from what I learned and I was absolutely scared to death. But I figured it out and now I think I have it- I just need to learn all the fancy shines and footwork that go along with it.. Well anyway last night my SIL told me that her friends wanted to know why I was going (there is a group of 4 of us who go together..) because I already know how to dance and shouldn't be in a beginner class. Ummmmmm I guess they missed the whole first class where I was stumbling over the steps! Well anyway my feelings were hurt for a few minutes there but I got over it. My SIL loves that I'm going because I help her out so I'm gonna keep going!

Have you guys ever felt bad because you were "better" than someone else at something? I'm not sure I should feel guilty here. Yea, I have the technique and the style, but I know absolutely nothing about NY style footwork so it was a great challenge!

For those of you and you who need constant Olivia pictures... here is her "dress down" Friday school outfit. TOO CUTE!!!
Hope everyone is having a GREAT Friday and I will "see" you all SOON!!!!

Busy Beavers..

Well the week is almost over.. ok not quite but hey.. we are getting there! I think this might be the fastest weekend round-up ever! So here we go:

Things We Learned Over The Weekend/Week

1. It's fantastic to be a part of history.. getting a picture in front of a Cal Ripken statue before it was stolen..

2. Never let your man's ex-mother-in-law buy food for you.. or she will buy the shittiest cuts of meat ever. (Don't ask me why she did- it's a sore subject!) Looked good- but was FATTY and TOUGH! Blech! At least the other part of my dinner was yummy!


3. When going to Chipotle make sure you test the spiciness of the steak before you feed it to your 7 year old. This was even too spicy for her!


Otherwise you get this.....

4. Never EVER under estimate the power of Taco Night at home.. along with some good baseball and good...action?!.. to take the stress of work away. Carlos baby we need about a month off together!



So things to chew on: I downloaded the new Jay-Z album and will be working on a routine from that.. I promise! : )

Also- the lovely Kelly over at She Wears A Red Sox Cap sent me a bloggie award last week (feels like it was last month!) and I am just getting around to putting it up! Dang it!

I love Kelly's blog because she is so down to earth and honest about finding time to keep up the healthy lifestyle while she is teaching during the school year. Plus I mean whoever loves the Sox; I love too!
I get to pass this along to a bunch of people soooooo.... but because I think all the people I would pass it to are on my blog roll... UMMMMMMM y'all can just TAKE it.. you GET IT AND LIKE IT! : )

I have nothing for you in terms of healthy eating.. I guess I've been doing better- Rebeca suggested to me that I put myself on autopilot and just do it, so I think that will be my goal: to find healthy eats and just fill up my lunch box and not leave work until my lunch box is empty. I promise it won't be full of cukes and carrots sticks.. haha. Although my old aunt picked up some GF ice cream cones, so I may be having some ice cream SOONER rather than LATER!

I will be back by Friday- I PROMISE!!!!!