Friday, October 30, 2009

Winner and The Mad Hatter Tea Party

Hi All!!!!!!
Happy Friday! FINALLY!! OMG, I am thrilled to pieces its the weekend, but I still have a lot to do- so no chance for me to relax until Sunday anyway.

Stay tuned because at the end of the post I will announce the winner of the Comforts of Fall Giveaway... so get excited!

Yesterday was our company Halloween party here at work. It's mostly for the kids, we set up "scenes" and do games and have prizes, pizza, and TONS of candy. Olivia has been coming every year since she was a baby- even though I only started working here when she was three- my friend used to work here and brought her as a special treat! So when I started working here she was excited the HW party tradition could continue on! I was too, because it's lots of fun.

I could show you what last years party looked like- but I lost all those pics. Bastards!

So instead you will see this years! Not many pics because my camera is still on its last leg till my new charger comes in.

I had a Mad Hatter tea party with Princess Jasmine and the Hawaiian girls.

Here is Princess Jasmine telling my co-worker all about her princess adventures and duties..

She got lost in the "Balloon Room"- that is the favorite among all the kids.. I wish I were little enough to get in there and jump around- but it's not a good idea to squash a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds in front of their parents..

So now it's time to announce the winner of the giveaway! First of all I loved hearing about who you guys admire and lean on when things are going rough. I had Carlos laughing yesterday because he was telling me how happy he was that I was on his side all the time, I said, "Yea, it's Team Charlie right over here baby"- so this morning when he called me, he called me Captain. I'm sensing that I am getting a new nickname..ha!
It seems like alot of us seek inspiration in blogs that we read and I find that is the coolest thing ever! I think blogs are motivating for me too- I get the motivation to do more in my workouts and try new recipes and new foods.. so happy I got involved in the blogging world.

Ok, OK now you are all saying, Amy, shut the F up and tell us who won!

I just actually picked the winner. There were 25 entries so I yelled over my cube, "Joe pick a number between one and 25". I figured that would be my best bet.. and JOE my co-worker picked #17... sooooooooooo

jperonto is the winner!!!!!!!!! I wish I could share something about "Jperento" but I don't think she is a blogger..

So, J, email me your address and contact info so I can get that over to you ASAP!

Thanks to all who entered in the contest!!!! Have a great weekend and have a SAFE HALLOWEEN!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Was I Supposed to Breathe?

Happy Wednesday everyone!!!!

I hope you all have entered into my giveaway, you have until tomorrow to do so, so start commenting or spreading the word! : )
So has anyone noticed a problem with commenting on here? Maybe I should change the way you can comment, I just don't want a bunch of SPAM comments- anyway- if you have any issues commenting or anything send me an email!

This week I am gearing up for the big ole move this weekend. Anyone want to fly in and help? I am buying Dunkin Donuts! I haven't had a chance to cook or anything so far because I've been cleaning up the place- last night I fell asleep on the floor in a puddle of drool and carpet cleaner.. yea that was pleasant!

Good news is, my little Melo-yellow is A-OK! He recovered nicely from his tragic day and I saw him the other night- he still kissed me. I think I am forgiven!

So this has to be QUICK. I got an award from Miss Christina over at Dinner At Christinas.. Mami has a fabulous blog and amazing dinner and dessert ideas - plus shes super cute- her man is a lucky guy!

In order to pass it on you have to answer each question with one word.
I way had to cheat... I can't stop talking sometimes!

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your hair? frizzy
3. Your mother? teaching
4. Your father? facebook
5. Your favorite food? BBQribs
6. Your dream last night? scary
7. Your favorite drink? tylenol w/codeine
8. Your dream/goal? indenpendence
9. What room are you in? office
10. Your hobby? dancing
11. Your fear? bills
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? home
13. Where were you last night? living room
14. Something that you aren’t? low-key
15. Muffins? chocolate!
16. Wish list item? money
17. Where did you grow up? Massachusetts
18. Last thing you did? bang my head on my desk
19. What are you wearing? express
20. Your TV? home!
21. Your pets? kitty
22. Friends? who?
23. Your life? hectic
24. Your mood? stressed
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? CR-V
27. Something you’re not wearing? jewlery
28. Your favorite store? H& M
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? hours
31. Last time you cried? Sunday
32. Your best friend? Carlos
33. One place that I go to over and over? dreamland
34. One person who emails me regularly? Gary
35. Favorite place to eat? Unos!

I have to pass this on.. lets see... seriously.. everyone on my blog roll???? COP OUT!!!???!!!Come on, its a small list guys! Feel SPECIAL!!! I honestly read the same blogs every day and they are all on my blog roll, so if you are to the right, grab the award. If you aren't you can feel free to email stalk me - I love everyone so I promise, I'll add you!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Please Not The Nutz

Hi dear people! Happy Monday to everyone.. how was your weekend? It was going great for me for a while. I wanted to give you a more thorough review of the granola bars I tried last week, I finished the box last night so I figured- I should share how they were. Ha ha.
Well I happened upon them in the health nut section of my grocery store. Usually I don't even bother looking at those kind of granola bars because most contain dairy and gluten and I don't want to waste my time reading labels when I won't end up with them. These did NOT have either gluten or dairy ingredients. And they were made with almond butter. And oats. Two of my favorite things in the whole wide world- seriously. So I picked them up, thinking they would taste awful and I'd be disappointed.
Boy was I ever wrong! You know those crunchy granola bars in the green box??? They tasted like a version of those- crunchy and nutty. OOOOOOO, I liked! There was a sweet taste to them that I thought was a little odd, but I got used to- I think it's the rice flour. I can always seem to pick that one out of a line up!

But check out these nutritional facts:
Calories: 180 (ok a little "high" for a snack.. but good anyway!)
Fat: 8g (GOOD FAT from the nut butters)
Fiber: 5g (this speaks for itself..)
Sugar: 10g (so does this.. VERY good for a granola bar!)
Protein: 3g (this is a little low.. doesnt peanut butter have lots o protein?!)
Overall, this was a nice little snack! It held me over for a couple of hours in the afternoon hours when I didn't get home from work until about 7ish and couldn't eat a real meal until then.
Go, seek, find, and buy these little doobies! Or you can get the dark chocolate version in my giveaway (which btw ends on Thursday the 29th..6 PM EST)

So like I said, these are great. Unless you are a little baby....
I have a dark confession to make.... I think I almost killed my nephew. And ME of ALL PEOPLE should know better!
I found the new Holiday Cliff bars in the grocery store and bought my SIL two of them; and two for myself. On Saturday morning I ate the Pumpkin Spice Pie for breakfast.
Check out the ingredients:
Ingredients: Organic Brown Rice Syrup, ClifProTM (Soy Rice Crisps [Soy Protein Isolate, Rice Flour, Barley Malt Extract], Organic Roasted Soybeans, Organic Soy Flour), Soy White Chocolate (Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Cocoa Butter, Soy Flour, Soy Lecithin, Natural Flavors), Organic Rolled Oats, Organic Toasted Oats (Organic Oats, Organic Evaporated Cane Juice), Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Dried Pumpkin, ClifCrunchTM (Apple Fiber, Organic Oat Fiber, Organic Milled Flaxseed, Inulin [Chicory Extract], Psyllium), Organic Dried Apples, Organic Raisins, Organic Date Paste, Organic Soy Butter, Organic Dry Roasted Almonds, Natural Flavors, Organic Sunflower Oil, Sea Salt, Colored with Annatto.
Can anyone tell me what on this list I should not be eating and then smooching babies?
Yea thats right, my little guy had an allergic reaction to the Almonds in the Cliff bar. We only know that because after he woke up from a nap his face and neck was covered in hives and one eye was swollen shut. We panic, take baby to the clinic where they say use cold compresses and wash his face with mild soap.
Later on, my SIL eats her Cliff bar and covered him again in kisses and hugs. This time his reaction was MUCH MUCH worse. He spent the night in the ER, my SIL was in tears half the night and we racked our brains all day today trying to figure out what it was. I can't believe how stupid I am. We had NO idea! He's never been exposed to nuts before because my SIL doesn't eat a lot of peanut butter, even when she does it's at work and shes home and has brushed her teeth or had water in between. But it might not be peanut butter and could just be almonds. We don't know! And I cried half the afternoon today- because i should KNOW BETTER! I have allergies! Babies can't be around nuts till they are older!
So my little man is down for the count. I love him so much, like he were my own baby.. he's so precious... Who can resist this face?

For now, it will be no nuts in my house or her house till he goes and gets tested. My SIL says not to worry and I suppose that its good we know NOW instead of feeding it to him when hes older and him going into shock. Still, I feel like an ass and now, I am morally responsible for that baby. He will not get a SCRAPE around me!

My little Melo Yellow.. I love you!!!!! (he had rice cereal on his face in that pic. haha!)

Here is another picture I snapped of him:

And then of course the girls.. I love them too! We have Elisa, Olivia, and Lissette. From oldest to youngest, biggest to smallest. Adorable!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Tell All Your Friends: Comforts of Fall Giveaway!

In the effort to get myself moving again. And grooving again. And eating again, I've decided to jump on the giveaway bandwagon yet again and shall bestowing upon one lucky reader a lil ole "Comforts of Fall" gift basket. It will actually come in a box, no basket included. Sorry! Haha.

Take a look at the swag!

Cascadian Farms: Chocolate Almond Granola bars
Back To Nature: Cranberry Pecan granola
Cliff Bars: Holiday ones!!! ENOUGH SAID!
Divine dark chocolate: Certified Fair trade.. delish!
Justin's Nut Butters: those cute lil squeeze packs you can throw in your purse
Annies: This is my kids FAVORITE brand of mac & cheese. its sooooooooo good.

Can you see all the yummy stuff?! Holy yum! I am sorry for the fact they are not all gluten and dairy free.. I know that I would not be able to enjoy all of it myself, but some of the items.. whooooooo!
I really really wanted to do this because I wanted some way to say thank you so much for all the support for the drama I've been dealing with in the last few weeks. Words can never express how much it all means to me; and even though work is making it tough to get to talk to people on a regular basis (those who I've emailed before) I still cherish the words sent to me- I love love love love you guys! I fell away from reading and posting comments as well and I have to tell you that getting back into my "reading routine" has helped normalize everything for me. You guys all have this infectious good mood that puts me in a good mood and turns my whole day around.

So what do you have to do to win all this stuff? Just post a comment telling me who inspires and lifts you up when you are having a bad day. Can be your mommy, can be your kids, can be a fellow blogger or your best bud from school. My personal blog heros are Christina, Rebeca, Jessie, Jen, and Alisa. Oh and last but not least Jenny (whos posts ALWAYS make me laugh!) You guys are amazing!!! I want to hear from ye ole faithful readers, ye new readers, and all the random stalkers in between.
This is open to US and Canada folks, so post away!

Oh and BTW, please vote for Jenny for the "Good Mood Blogger". She rocks my socks off..

*****edited to add an end date! Thursday the 29th.. 6pm EST..get your comments in by then!!!!!********

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Balancing Act

Awwwww!!! guys! you are so cute with the disaster wishes! The comments about what might happen to the person who did this... I can almost guarantee that what I was thinking, was much much much worse than you! The more the week dragged on, the more painful everything was. Like.. I had all my credit card statements for the month in there. Um fraud anyone?? So the disaster I hope befalls this clown, is definitely NOT a parking ticket, NOR falling in a ditch. Here on this blog, I like to be blunt. But I won't say out loud what I was thinking for a proper punishment for this person! If you REALLY REALLY want to know, I will reveal... lol

This week is certainly getting a little bit better, I am halfway moved back home and have my big ass TV set up in my bedroom- it looks so purty! My cat got scared and hid under the blankets when I turned it on last night- she is not used to seeing such a big TV! Growing up we did not watch a lot of TV compared to other kids and I did not have cable until just last year. I have "missed" a lot apparently and now fill my nights with Flipping Out (sooooo funny!), A & E shows.. (helllllooo First 48!) How much TV did you watch as a kid???
I also missed a lot of TV because of a certain someone *cough* Carlos* cough* who really only watched SPORTS! And while I am a good girl and didn't complain, the nights when he was not around I definitely put the kids to bed as early as possible and was glued to the TV for the rest of the night- filling my head with trash! Oh how I love trash TV!

So what is going on with me this week? I'm starting to feel better, although I still feel like my right arm is gone and I'm really worried about him. Before he was able to call me a lot more and now, I haven't heard from him all week. So cross your fingers he is ok!

Food? Do I eat still? The answer is not a lot lately, I'm back on my force feeding frenzy that afflicted me before. Stress makes me either eat like a pig or not eat at all and in the days leading up to Carlos's departure I managed to keep my appetite up and running. Now it's non-existent. Never fear, I get really tired and cranky when I don't eat so I am concentrating on making sure that even if I don't eat as much- it's filling stuff! I'm talking oatmeal with fruit for breakfast, healthy granola bars for snacks (Jenny... you MUST TRY THESE!!!!- more thorough review to follow..)
veggies and soups for lunch,

Amy's meals for dinner and oh wait??? How did THESE get in here???

See? I'm not completely healthy here! Please note you only see three, there were four in the bag and I actually started with 8 of them. OOOPS! All before ten a.m...

In the workout scene I am BACK! I am realizing that my number one way I am going to relieve stress is to get out there and move it! Tonight I can't work out but I am confident I will get a workout in tomorrow, I just have to plan on it everyday and make the effort - and it will happen.
There may or may not be a video post coming up as well.. WHOOOOOOO!!! I kind of fell away from that with all the drama, and now I just need to get a new camera charger and I can actually film a vid for you peeps! I've been playing a particular song over and over again (I'm slightly obsessive what can I say?) so I think I've got something concrete now.. YAY!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Karma's A Beeyotch

Well I made it through the whole week here at work!!!! I babysat my nieces and nephew again last night, my SIL went out for a well deserved "shimmy" time with her friends. She joked about it being a night to go out "daddy shopping" for the kids. Ahh, she kills me!
The week has definitely been pretty stressful with the loss of my computer, my desk looks like a disaster area with all the cables and this big nasty desktop on here. It's not looking good for a replacement laptop either. The laptop approval has to go through my higher-ups who may not let me get another one because this one was stolen. Which destroys any flexibility I have with the laptop! Argh!

I can't even tell you how much I pray for some kind of disaster to befall the person who did this. This has been an IT nightmare at work trying to get me set-up correctly! Never mind the emotional damage! I honestly felt violated and I haven't been able to sleep- every time I hear a noise, I'm wide awake. I talked to C and he felt really bad, I was crying on the phone and then he started crying too because I was crying. God we are weenies!! Thank goodness the next two nights I'm staying at my SIL's!

But in food land, I have some good news. I've been trying a few new things out because I have some extra money to swing with the food budget now. Thats probably the ONLY good thing about C being gone- is I can buy more food for ME! Always a silver lining huh???

Any way up first we have some Turtle Mountain So Delicious Soy Yogurt. In flavor Vanilla- the only other flavor they had was blueberry, and blueberries in any form make me nauseated- so I don't touch them. This one is sweetened with Agave (yum!) so it's a "good source" of sugar. Wouldn't that be a great thing? "Yes, agave nectar.. the GOOD FOR YOU SUGAR" plus it has live active cultures to promote healthy digestion- which because I'm not working out right now (I'm too busy crying and packing) I really need- my stomach has been freaking out lately with the lack of movement. Literally and figuratively. OK TMI!

This has five grams of fiber in it from the chicory root in it. I haven't tried a chicory root, but it sounds like it would taste like cardboard- so I'm glad it blends well with yogurt. This yogurt definitely is much better nutrition wise all over. From the low-cal (130 calories) to the fiber (5g) to the sugar grams (only 19g- for a soy yogurt that is flavored.. that is awesome), to the probiotics in it- it was a win win for me.
Plus it tasted soooooooooo dreamy. I loved it- it didn't have that "I'm Soy Yogurt" taste like other brands, it was smooth and creamy. Total YUM. I grabbed a whole bunch of them.. just to have them on hand.

On Wednesday night I went food shopping with my SIL with all the kids. Oh wow was that an experience! But it was really fun- and when my SIL talked to C she told him "I don't know what it is man, but my kids love Amy, she's like a magnet". C is the same way- hes a clown with the kids.. and I will play games with them, do all kinds of crazy things to make them laugh. She told me she couldn't believe that there was a female version of her brother out there. Which made me smile- I was happy about that one!
So anyway- getting back to the story at hand- I saw these thingies and picked them up. Rice Works- in "Sea Salt". These are gluten free crips that are SO chip like its crazy. Well I thought they tasted more like a "triscuit" but they were delish. Jessica and I almost polished off the whole bag that night but I managed to save some! There was just enough "saltiness" to make them taste indulgent, but they were SO good for you. No nasty chemicals.. or fake stuff. Loved them!

So there we go- things are looking at least a little better- my attitude about work was a little better too. This was supposed to be the week where I would be "in charge" at my office and instead I was at the mercy of the IT department all week- so it's a pretty shitty experience to NOT be able to do anything. I would have my phone working and not be able to log into any programs to check anything, then the phone would not work- then the programs still didn't work.

It was exciting though to talk to C finally. He's doing ok, a little sad I think, but he could be doing a lot worse; so I'm happy he's hanging in there. He just wishes he could have been out here to support me after my car break in.. but baby- its ok- I still love ya!

Here is a good picture from the last night we were all together, this is my niece Lissette and "Tio Charlie" as they so affectionately call my baby-boo.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Drama Never Ends Does It?

Here I am, on a loaner laptop at work.. in my efforts to move a ton of stuff in and out of the apartment I left my laptop in my car. Ever since I got rear-ended a while back the back door of my car (I drive a Honda CR-V..) has been sticky- so I think whoever decided to bust into my car, knew the laptop was back there and figured out a way to get my locked car.. open!
They also stole the navigation system cable charger and demolished the inside of my car, probably looking for the navigation which is safely tucked away in my purse.

I'm mad. And it can't come at a worse time.. I haven't talked to C yet and I am freaking out. Thank god my BIL was around and I was able to talk to him about it. Tonight we are going to the house together and moving my TV, the stereo, the Xbox, and the Wii. Dave said, "my brother will kill me if anything happens to this stuff or you while hes away.." Thanks Dave!

What the hell is wrong with people?? My only hope is whoever took it won't know what to do with it, so they will hang onto it.. and then get arrested for something stupid and they'll find it! lol

My only problem is, my pictures. All my pictures from the last few years are on there. All my music videos. All my dance videos. Sure I can pull them down from Facebook and Youtube and even here on the blog.

I don't have any pictures for you because those morons also got my memory card reader.

Man, I am such a downer lately, I'm sorry guys.. I really really appreciate everything from you guys.. the support, the comments, the virtual hugs.. it does help a lot.. Seriously!!!!

I promise, the next post, will be a nice one..

Monday, October 12, 2009

Fuzzy Times

Did I tell you we've been living out of my car for a week now? Rotating between staying at my parents house and attempting to pack up all our belongings in the apartment. I have a bag permanently in my car, ready to go, ready for action, no matter where I stay at night. Olivia is dutifully getting dragged along with me, although, the last two nights she has been at her "Nana's" house with Aunty Michelle- doing her favorite things apple picking and going to Target. Today she is at the pumpkin patch with Aunty Heather and boy is she excited about that! For some reason, my little girl is so at ease with what is going on, taking it with a grain of salt, saying, "its ok I'll see him soon.." while I cry and cry every day. I haven't been able to speak to him yet, but I've heard from my BIL, so far he is ok and for me to rest easy. I laughed when Dave told me that because whenever I get emotional C always tells me to rest easy- so I know he knows.. I am freaking out!

It's been a fuzzy few days, I have been pretty much forcing myself to eat everyday. I pick the same time so I don't under nourish or over-do it. Saturday night though while the kids were off at their respective "Nana" and "Nanni"'s house (Olivia has the Nana, Joanna has the Nanni) and I was desperately wondering what to do. I was online, I watched TV (there was nothing on), I paced the apartment. At about 7:30 I said to myself- I need to eat.
So I ran to the store and picked up Shrimp, Sundried Tomatoes, Zucchinis, and some GF pasta. Total bill $14.04 (the shrimp was pricier than I would like.. but there is no Target near my apartment.. booo!).

I made one of C's favorite dishes- Shrimp Fettuccine. Oh it was lovely. He would have loved it. I inhaled it and set the other half aside for the next day. And then I cried. For the third time that day. I suppose I am going through the grieving process, even though he is neither dead nor are we broken-up. I just plain old miss him- and I know that where he is, on a lonely Saturday night- my baby will be crying too. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to him soon..

Oh my last week's mission? Almost complete! I need my birth record and a couple of stamps and thats about it! How fun is that? I'm on the road to new health insurance! And I totally agree, we do all need to move to Sweden!!

I have to plan out some goals for this week too- I need to get back into a workout routine. Last week we joked with each other and C told me to get back on the workout train because he didn't want to come home to a fat ass! What a punk! He was only teasing me... But I did find out that he told his favorite cousin that he thought I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on and I had a perfect body. This body? With stretch marks? With scars? With squishy spots? Even when I have bags under my eyes or my hair a hot mess? YES. YES HE SAID THAT. When she told me that I thought I would die- what a sweetheart. God I love him!

This week at work I am the only one in my group- actually at work and able to work at all. It's been an interesting morning, tomorrow will probably be much busier! Everyone else is on their Furlough.. so to my customers... I'm sorry I'm busy! : )
Here is what I brought to lunch today. What a good picture of a freakin' ham sandwich! I buy Boar's Head brand deli meats because most are Gluten-Free and they are au-natural anyway! Love them! Even if they are expensive! I topped this with spicy brown mustard from our caf and some White Chocolate peanut butter. HA! Just kidding, thats just my jar from my waffle b-fast. LOL

So, am I the only loser at work today???

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Mission Complete

Well Happy Thursday everyone! Hope everyone is getting geared up for the weekend! I have some big plans! Actually, no I don't but, I do plan on getting together with my SIL and BIL and all the kiddos..

First of, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my SIL Jessica! She is the big 2-8 today! I am babysitting again tonight so she can go out and have some fun at dance class! Why am I not going? I will be happy to stay with the kids for her- my bday present.. as a single mommy with three kids, I am happy to give her a break! She is really improving in dancing and I hope that next round of classes we can find a babysitter for the kids so we can go together again.

Tonight I will be applying for new health insurance. In looking over my new health plan, I am predicting an absolute financial break down if I take this health plan at work and something happens, whether it be an illness or an accident. God forbid, if in 3 years when C gets home, we want to have a baby, it could cost upwards of $5K just to bring the little sucker into the world. Then if I get into a car accident and have to seek medical treatment it would cost me 100% of the bill up to a certain deductible ($1200 to be exact) then after that I would be responsible for 30%. Jees, a hospital visit can cost $3K!!! To those of you who are still on your parents health plan because you are in school- be GRATEFUL!!!! The real world sucks! Happily based on my current situation (down to one income..) and my family size and since I am moving back to MA, I can get health care through the state at a lower cost and it's MUCH better. Every state should have MAs health plan!!!

Then again, thanks so much for your support in the whole C thing. He's pulling through ok.. I should be able to talk to him this weekend, so that is a good thing! My cell phone is ON and volume TURNED UP waiting for it!

Last night I made pizza for dinner, this is a recycled picture because, yea, I made the same kind of pizza. I wasn't feeling the creativity.

I completed my goal from yesterday though! I worked out for 40 minutes last night and 25 this morning! Yahoo! : )
Todays goal is to get my health insurance forms filled out and look over all my bills. Very boring. I know! Life is tough!!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Better Half

Hi all..

I can tell you yesterday was possibly one of the worst days of my entire existence. Honestly and truly it was.. I lost it on Sunday night when C asked me what I told blog world; I hadn't broken down completely yet and I found myself in a hotel near the airport bawling like a baby with my better half holding me and telling me everything was going to be ok. I should have been the one doing that for him. Not the other way around. Last Friday when we finally decided what to do will haunt my memory forever- I don't know if anyone knows how a broken heart sounds, but I heard it and I felt it and I will never be the same again.

My family hasn't been a great source of strength for me so I am grateful that there are people out there who are sending me warm fuzzy thoughts- even if you don't fully understand what's going on, you know enough that no matter what the circumstance, its a terrible and horrible loss. Olivia and Joanna are scared to lose him again too and Olivia insists its unfair and he should picket and protest (nice try little one..) and Joanna just wants to sit on her father's lap again.

To those of you who have emailed, commented, or messaged me in the last few days you may never know how much hope lay in those simple and uplifting words. I cried over every email and every sentence. I am so thankful I put this up there- I often struggle with telling people about any hardship in my life because my family usually says "you got what you asked for" or bad day stories turn into a pissing contest. I stopped telling my family much because sadly as nice as they are, they have the tendency to be close-minded about things that I have great empathy for.** I guess the only heathen in the family is the one with the biggest heart. The next few months will be the hardest of this whole thing and the rest will be in the words of a few people I know, a "cake walk". Once I find out exactly when he's coming back, it will be like a "TT-countdown" to when he comes home.

In the meantime I will need some time to get my blogging-self back to normal. I haven't worked out since last Wednesday and I plowed through a lot of junk food this past weekend too. I think on Sunday I went for an hour long walk; but bought Skittles halfway through so I wouldn't pass out because I hadn't eaten all day. When I got back to the house I think I ate a pint of ice cream. Then we had burgers that night and I just ate numbly- not even thinking about the stomach problems that would plague me. Also, I rarely ever cook for myself, so I'm not sure how my food consumption will be looking in the next few days.. if anyone wants any reviews done though.. lol I'm taking them!

Rebeca is doing a "Goal A Day" challenge and I think I will be joining up in the cause. Just think of one mini-goal for yourself each day to accomplish, so that the "big ones" don't seem so overwhelming.

My first goal (but more long term..)is to make it through a day without randomly bursting into tears.
Tomorrow my goal is going to be to work-out for at least 30 minutes. I think it will make me feel a little bit better!

** Please note I said EMPATHY and not sympathy.. don't want you guys thinking I'm a helpless enabler who feels so bad for people I'm blind to the issues at**

Friday, October 2, 2009

Get My Game Face On

Hey all, I kinda was supposed to post up something tomorrow, but I think I might do this one and then hold off until early next week to put anything else up. I just want to say thank you to you all for understanding.. I know with all the drama around Olivia's b-day and having to change the blog, it was stressful. Plus an episode of unhealthy eating too- you all must think I'm a hot mess. Well I am hot. And I'm a mess today, so I guess, yes.. thats true!

I'm glad you guys liked my falling in love story. It's funny, I'm not sure if I have told the whole story on this blog or not (new readers- I had a different blog before and switched over here) but I will tell it again.

It was a snowy day, January 8th to be exact and I was going to work, I was in a bum outfit- you know.. raggedy sweats, Uggs, a hoodie. Who gave a crap?? It was a snow storm! I hadn't done my hair or my make-up so I looked frightening! I get there and I see the cleaning crew supervisor leading around some new guy. I was over by the elevators in my building when I looked over at the "new guy" and my heart literally skipped a beat. I tried to smile but realized I looked down at myself and remembered, holy crap I looked like crap! Well he kind of gave me a look back and smirked at me. And when I say smirk, I mean it. I almost fainted. I think I turned twelve shades of purple and ran back to my desk and cursed myself for not looking better. It took me a week to get up the nerve to talk to him, but I finally did. I teased him about not having a jacket and wearing just a hoodie. Typical mommy.. wants to know why when its below 20 degrees you show up without a jacket.
It took another couple of weeks before we actually hung out and I've been hooked ever since. We shared a love for baseball, the same life goals, and the same past hurts and same dreams. Basically I knew, he was the love of my life. It wasn't until we went to a baseball game at Fenway and were on the way there... that it changed. I was exhausted, we didn't sleep pretty much the whole night and then because he was beyond excited, he was up at the crack of dawn. So I took the chance on the Green Line to catch a 10 minute nap. I curled up on his shoulder.. and he leaned down and kissed my forehead and said "you know I love you". I think I was half asleep and kind of murmured it back but when I woke up I was over the moon.. I had been wanting to say it first for over a week, but couldn't muster up the courage to do so..
Literally a week later we were thrust into the hardest few months of our relationship but what came out of it was so strong and so faithful I figured we would never ever lose each other again.
There have been rough times, there have been amazing times. But like I said before.. he's my best friend in the whole world and I am so proud to call him my man.

He's made the choice that we needed to make and the next few days we are going to be organizing everything and getting all our ducks in a row before he leaves.
Yes, I said leaves. We've known since last year it was coming and he'll be gone for about two years. I'll be moving back home with my parents with Olivia in the meantime to save up our moolah.. I'll still be able to talk to him all the time and send him stuff so don't worry, he won't starve to death! Not being able to hold his hand or run my fingers through his hair.. or curl up next to him in bed, these are the things that I will miss the most. I can definitely say that I am going to need all the girl time I can get, so my Boston and MD, and AZ friends.. we might need a reunion or something!

It was a hard choice to make, but we will make it through to see tomorrow. I love him to death and I really honestly and truly support his decision to go. It's a big relief for me, for my sister-in-law, for my brother-in-law for his daughter, for my daughter. His family has become my family as well and we are standing together to be there with him.
Te extrano mi amor. Mira, como estoy sufriendo
Me quemo por dentro, por sentir tu amor, Papi, no me hagas, eso sabes que te quiero,
con todo el corazon..

Speaking of my sister in law.. she has the most adorable children out there.. besides mine. : )

These are from the last time I babysat them (I think last week).. I forgot to take pics last night, can you believe it??
I hope you think they are so cute you want to gobble them up because these are the only "food like" pics I've taken recently. ; )

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Do It For Love

Wow, I feel like I haven't posted in days, months, anything!

I don't know how much I can say via blog but I would like to say that all is pretty much ok on the home front and nothing bad is about to happen!

I just wanted to share with you a tiny bit of whats happening... becuse after this, I probably won't talk much about it... it's just too personal for me to share via web and you KNOW I am not opposed to over-sharing!

Carlos and I have been through a ton in our relationship- we have our good days and bad days. You know when he yells at me, I cry.. I give him the silent treatment so I don't yell and he gets mad and yells at me. (are you sensing the pattern here??) But for the last few years, he has been my best friend. My confidante. The one I want to come home to every night. The only person I will ever allow myself to trust and love again. The one I want to be lying next to on the couch at night. Waking up to in the morning. There are moments where I get so overwhelmed I just spit out, "wow babe I can't believe how lucky I am.." and he just laughs at me. There are memories of him in my head that make me smile at work- blush at work- laugh out loud in the car..I always tell the story about how we fell in love on the green line going to a baseball game. But it also happened after that, when freshly found love was put to the test. Many, many nights I cried myself to sleep then, knowing that he was doing the same thing. That ecstatic feeling of love went from a tiny little flame into a roaring fire that no one could get through.
We made it through that horrible time and put ourselves on the three year plan of having more kids, starting to save money to buy a house and have a real wedding ceremony! The things he has accomplished in the last year have been nothing short of remarkable- I know I had a lot to do with it (pat myself on the back).

The love of my life right now, needs me more than ever to support him. Uplift him. And make him realize that no matter how bad things get... I will always, always be there for him.

What does this mean for us? We might be moving... I'm not sure of exactly when or where to, but the good thing is, my job can be taken on the road. At least I would like to hope that they would offer me the same benefit of working from home that they do to my other co-workers who moved away from the home office. I definitely don't want him leaving without me!

For now, everything we have planned is on the back burner until we figure out what we are going to do. Normal posting will resume after the Chinese food fest we are having at my house on Friday. : )

Tonight I am babysitting Olivia (well shes mine so she doesnt count lol), my nieces, and my baby nephew. OH IM IN HEAVEN!

Thank you guys SO much for your sweet comments on my previous post.. yes Kate even though you thought I am doing something scanalous.. HAHA! I really do appreciate all thoughts sent my way. I need strength in the worst way- even though its strange I am handling it ok thus far.