Monday, October 12, 2009

Fuzzy Times

Did I tell you we've been living out of my car for a week now? Rotating between staying at my parents house and attempting to pack up all our belongings in the apartment. I have a bag permanently in my car, ready to go, ready for action, no matter where I stay at night. Olivia is dutifully getting dragged along with me, although, the last two nights she has been at her "Nana's" house with Aunty Michelle- doing her favorite things apple picking and going to Target. Today she is at the pumpkin patch with Aunty Heather and boy is she excited about that! For some reason, my little girl is so at ease with what is going on, taking it with a grain of salt, saying, "its ok I'll see him soon.." while I cry and cry every day. I haven't been able to speak to him yet, but I've heard from my BIL, so far he is ok and for me to rest easy. I laughed when Dave told me that because whenever I get emotional C always tells me to rest easy- so I know he knows.. I am freaking out!

It's been a fuzzy few days, I have been pretty much forcing myself to eat everyday. I pick the same time so I don't under nourish or over-do it. Saturday night though while the kids were off at their respective "Nana" and "Nanni"'s house (Olivia has the Nana, Joanna has the Nanni) and I was desperately wondering what to do. I was online, I watched TV (there was nothing on), I paced the apartment. At about 7:30 I said to myself- I need to eat.
So I ran to the store and picked up Shrimp, Sundried Tomatoes, Zucchinis, and some GF pasta. Total bill $14.04 (the shrimp was pricier than I would like.. but there is no Target near my apartment.. booo!).

I made one of C's favorite dishes- Shrimp Fettuccine. Oh it was lovely. He would have loved it. I inhaled it and set the other half aside for the next day. And then I cried. For the third time that day. I suppose I am going through the grieving process, even though he is neither dead nor are we broken-up. I just plain old miss him- and I know that where he is, on a lonely Saturday night- my baby will be crying too. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to him soon..

Oh my last week's mission? Almost complete! I need my birth record and a couple of stamps and thats about it! How fun is that? I'm on the road to new health insurance! And I totally agree, we do all need to move to Sweden!!

I have to plan out some goals for this week too- I need to get back into a workout routine. Last week we joked with each other and C told me to get back on the workout train because he didn't want to come home to a fat ass! What a punk! He was only teasing me... But I did find out that he told his favorite cousin that he thought I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on and I had a perfect body. This body? With stretch marks? With scars? With squishy spots? Even when I have bags under my eyes or my hair a hot mess? YES. YES HE SAID THAT. When she told me that I thought I would die- what a sweetheart. God I love him!

This week at work I am the only one in my group- actually at work and able to work at all. It's been an interesting morning, tomorrow will probably be much busier! Everyone else is on their Furlough.. so to my customers... I'm sorry I'm busy! : )
Here is what I brought to lunch today. What a good picture of a freakin' ham sandwich! I buy Boar's Head brand deli meats because most are Gluten-Free and they are au-natural anyway! Love them! Even if they are expensive! I topped this with spicy brown mustard from our caf and some White Chocolate peanut butter. HA! Just kidding, thats just my jar from my waffle b-fast. LOL

So, am I the only loser at work today???


  1. Ok, that bowl of shrimp fettucine looks delish! You're feeing yourself better than I've been feeding us - even w/ everything going on! Plus, $14 isn't bad when you get 2 meals out of it - that's only $7 and if you went out that bowl would have been like $15 easily!!!

    I'm glad Olivia is taking it well! I hope you get into a groove soon and it's not so hard for you - you just need to grieve first!

    And that ham sandwich totally does look good! hahaha Nice job!

    Don't worry - Johnny has work today, too! You're not the ONLY loser. ;)

  2. I am so glad you have Olivia to keep you grounded during this emotion time, honey. Hang in there and find comfort in knowing that better days DO lie ahead of you <3

    please email me if you need to chat girl! always here with a metaphorical shoulder to lean on :)

  3. No school todayy score! What pumpkin patch did ur girlie go to?? I was googling them to find one I can get to by bus? I do have a zip car thingy too but I kind of like exploring the town by public transportation :D I'm glad to hear your family is sticking together and the little peanut is having fun during a hard time! xo here for u A!

  4. i am at work with you!!! well, not literally but you know what i mean :)

    i'm sorry that you've been so sad and stressed. just try to hold on to the fact that you still have eachother! like you said, he could be gone for good, or you two could be broken up, and that's not the case. i know it doesn't feel like things are good, but at least you have the LOVE!!!!! and dont you forget it :)

  5. I was at home today because it's Thanksgiving :)

    You are all being so strong through this! You're lucky to have your man and that Olivia is such a strong (and adorable!) little girl :)

  6. ***hugs*** I'm crying with you. Just keep holding on to the good memories.

    I ended up at work too so don't feel bad about that.

  7. Love you!

    Hope you guys can talk soon! I agree with Jess and Anais... 1. You're lucky to have such a fab daughter and just hold on to that and use this time to enjoy her before she's a teenager and no one wants to :) and 2. Remember all the good things, hold them in your heart...

    I was thinking... you could write him notes, like on post-its or whatever and make him a book, so when you're reunited he can go back and look at all the things you thought of and you can relive them together.

  8. STAY STRONG!!!!! We know you can do it!

    Good job with your eating! And don't worry about tackling everything all at once; now's the time for baby steps, so just complete one thing at a time, then move onto the next.

    WE LOVE YOU, A!!!!!!!!!!!!<3333333333

  9. AWWWW, what a sweetheart indeed! I'll bet you really ARE beautiful, though, both inside and out!

  10. Love the idea of making a book for him, collecting all your thoughts for him in one place.

    LOVE YOU!!